THE DARTBOARD INTERVIEW: Lindsay Lohan

DARTBOARD: Welcome to MY DARTBOARD Lindsay.

LINDSAY LOHAN: Thank you very much. It’s nice to be here. Sorry, where am I? Do you have any free stuff?

D.B. -- Sorry LiLo this isn’t a clothes store or a nightclub. Maybe a Kleenex, for your cold – you keep sniffling

LiLo -- No, not a cold. I mean ya, that’s it, it’s a cold, a cold yes.

D.B. -- I notice there is some white powder around your…

LiLo -- Oh that’s just cold medicine, that’s it, cold medicine.

D.B. -- If you say so.

LiLo -- If you thought it was something else – no way.I went to rehab remember. A few years ago. I think? I don’t do that anymore. Do you have any straws I can take home?

D.B. -- Let’s change the subject. We haven’t seen any movies from you in awhile – can we expect something soon?

LiLo -- Expecting me – who do you think I am that slut Spears. No expecting here! I practice safe sex. You know what they say ”practice, practice, practice”.

D.B. -- Just to clear things up for our readers - are you really bi-sexual?

LiLo -- Everything I buy is sexual yes.

D.B. -- Back to movies, I meant. Will we be seeing any of yours from you soon.

LiLo -- No way. Unless you break into my bedroom and take-off with my camcorder.

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

LiLo -- Excuse me, it might be my mom or dad… Aha. Aha. Aha. Damn it! I’m going to fire my agent.

D.B. -- I didn’t know you had an entertainment agent.

LiLo -- I don’t. That was my real estate agent. He keeps putting FOR SALE signs in front of my house because I never sleep there.

D.B. -- So, where do you sleep?

LiLo -- I sleep around.

D.B. -- Sleep around – tell us something we don’t know.

LiLo -- Alright. Did you know when it’s midnight here in Los Angeles, it’s a different time in China.

D.B. -- Yes ,we all knew that.

LiLo -- Damn it. I came out here to talk about my doll.

D.B. -- You mean YOUR x-doll Sam Ronson? I really wouldn’t call her a doll.

LiLo -- No, no, no, my plastic one, my action figure.

D.B. -- Action. Plastic. So appropriate. And so cute. I can see the resemblance.



LiLo -- Yeah, and it’s SO fitting and it looks just like me. I posed for it. I'm a good model, y'know.

D.B. -- Not for children. (clears throat)
Speaking of looks, you’re looking kind of thin – are you on some kind of diet?

LiLo -- No way, no diet. I eat at least a dozen donuts a day.

D.B. -- Do you prefer Tasty Cream or Dunkin’ Donuts?

LiLo -- No, no, you know those little ones. Cheerios.

D.B. -- Ok. Lindsay Lohan.

LiLo -- Yes.

D.B. -- Good-bye.

***

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