Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
THE DARTBOARD (special edition): If you have the right questions -- we have the right answers
*** A SPECIAL GAY QUESTIONS EDITION
Hey Dart,
Where have you been?
I MISS YOU.
How are you? Not that I know you, or that I’ve ever met you, so why should I , or should you, care about all that.
My question today, today being Wednesday, (don’t know what time or day it is where you are?) is simple. I hope you're answer is simple cause I am told I am a simple girl.
My boyfriend (yes, I’m dating) likes flat-chested girls who don’t wear dresses.
Is he gay?
Billie-Jean Iznotmychild
Jacksonville
- - -
Well B-J.,
I assume if he’s dating you, if he wasn’t gay before he met you, he is now.
+ + +
D-d-d-dart!
I wish I could tell you how hard it is writing to you, but if I did I would probably be arrested again and put away in a place where once again forced to shower with sweaty men bigger than me.
But I digress.
My current squeeze, Lance, confided in me recently that his previous lover gave him crabs. As you can imagine, this upset me greatly.
So, should I try to outdo and better his ex by treating Lance to lobster at RED LOBSTER or some other seafood joint? If it matters RED LOBSTER is currently celebrating LOBSTERFEST.
O. Henry
Not Hershey, PA
- - -
O.H.,
Is Lance’s last name A-lot? Just checking. Are there nuts in Hershey? Just checking?
+ + +
Hello D.B.,
Knowing you know everything, and I know nothing, I have a simple question.
If you don’t know already, I’m, aw shucks, let me say it like it is, I’m homophobic.
Do you know if there are any states, or countries, I could move to and settle there, with my family and our dogs, where being gay is illegal and instead of having GAY PRIDE they celebrate GAY HIDE.
Sarah Palin
The State of Confusion, (Alaska)
- - -
Hey, ex-Gov.,
Or do you prefer losing V.P. candidate?
Why didn’t you not think of this earlier? I’m sure this exit would make many people very, very happy.
But before you start to pack and googling TRAVELOCITY, maybe think of staying put. If your slutty tramp daughter turns lesbian, the worry of another cheap wreckless unwanted pregnancy would disappear.
Aren’t there enough crying Palins already?
* * * * *
Hey Dart,
Where have you been?
I MISS YOU.
How are you? Not that I know you, or that I’ve ever met you, so why should I , or should you, care about all that.
My question today, today being Wednesday, (don’t know what time or day it is where you are?) is simple. I hope you're answer is simple cause I am told I am a simple girl.
My boyfriend (yes, I’m dating) likes flat-chested girls who don’t wear dresses.
Is he gay?
Billie-Jean Iznotmychild
Jacksonville
- - -
Well B-J.,
I assume if he’s dating you, if he wasn’t gay before he met you, he is now.
+ + +
D-d-d-dart!
I wish I could tell you how hard it is writing to you, but if I did I would probably be arrested again and put away in a place where once again forced to shower with sweaty men bigger than me.
But I digress.
My current squeeze, Lance, confided in me recently that his previous lover gave him crabs. As you can imagine, this upset me greatly.
So, should I try to outdo and better his ex by treating Lance to lobster at RED LOBSTER or some other seafood joint? If it matters RED LOBSTER is currently celebrating LOBSTERFEST.
O. Henry
Not Hershey, PA
- - -
O.H.,
Is Lance’s last name A-lot? Just checking. Are there nuts in Hershey? Just checking?
+ + +
Hello D.B.,
Knowing you know everything, and I know nothing, I have a simple question.
If you don’t know already, I’m, aw shucks, let me say it like it is, I’m homophobic.
Do you know if there are any states, or countries, I could move to and settle there, with my family and our dogs, where being gay is illegal and instead of having GAY PRIDE they celebrate GAY HIDE.
Sarah Palin
The State of Confusion, (Alaska)
- - -
Hey, ex-Gov.,
Or do you prefer losing V.P. candidate?
Why didn’t you not think of this earlier? I’m sure this exit would make many people very, very happy.
But before you start to pack and googling TRAVELOCITY, maybe think of staying put. If your slutty tramp daughter turns lesbian, the worry of another cheap wreckless unwanted pregnancy would disappear.
Aren’t there enough crying Palins already?
* * * * *
Monday, April 12, 2010
the DARTBOARD interview: Miley Cyrus
DbD: Welcome to THE DARTBOARD, Miley Cyrus.
Is it okay to call you Miley?
Miley Cyrus: No I prefer you call me Hannah or Miss Montana, or Hannah Montana. Big shout to my cousins, Hanah Alabama, Hanah California, Hannah Alaska and my Canadian cousin Hannah Alberta.
Miley Cyrus: Hey girls!
DbD: By the way did you ride your bike to come over here today?
Miley Cyrus: No, I took my surfboard. My daddy won’t let me on my bike after I fell off and broke some of my front teeth. Do you know how much front teeth cost?
DbD: Probable expensive.
Miley Cyrus: Yeah, and you multiple that times 50 front teeth and I need a good hit record pronto.
DbD: You’re going to be 18 this year, that’s legal age. Any plans for your birthday?
Miley Cyrus: Get drunk with my dad, OOPS, I mean go to Chuck E. Cheese. Maybe do a home video with my boyfriend, like Paris Hilton did, OOPS, will my dad be reading this?
DbD: Hope so.
Miley Cyrus: Okay, what I meant was do a video like Minnie Mouse.
DbD: Speaking of your dad, you two are very similar, both being successful country singers and…
Miley Cyrus: Sorry, I don’t think so. There is a BIG difference -- like I ride, or used to, ride a girl’s bike and he rides a boy’s bike. He grows hair and my face, I don’t. He’s married to my mommy, I’m not. He pees standing up, I don’t. That’s not the same is it? Not even close.
DbD: Are you dating right now?
Miley Cyrus: I never do that.
DbD: Never date?
Miley Cyrus: Oh date, I thought you said mate. If I was mating, my daddy would hog-tie me and throw me to the dogs.
DbD: Does it bother you having all these front teeth?
Miley Cyrus: Comes in really handy when my mommy makes some corn on the cob.
DbD: We read that you write many of your own songs.
Miley Cyrus: Sorry, that’s not true. I print them.
DbD: Your movie was in 3D who’s idea was that?
Miley Cyrus: That was mine, I wanted to make my boobs look bigger.
DbD: Miley…
Miley Cyrus: That’s Hannah, Montana, MONTANA!
DbD: Wherever. Good-bye.
* * *
Is it okay to call you Miley?
Miley Cyrus: No I prefer you call me Hannah or Miss Montana, or Hannah Montana. Big shout to my cousins, Hanah Alabama, Hanah California, Hannah Alaska and my Canadian cousin Hannah Alberta.
Miley Cyrus: Hey girls!
DbD: By the way did you ride your bike to come over here today?
Miley Cyrus: No, I took my surfboard. My daddy won’t let me on my bike after I fell off and broke some of my front teeth. Do you know how much front teeth cost?
DbD: Probable expensive.
Miley Cyrus: Yeah, and you multiple that times 50 front teeth and I need a good hit record pronto.
DbD: You’re going to be 18 this year, that’s legal age. Any plans for your birthday?
Miley Cyrus: Get drunk with my dad, OOPS, I mean go to Chuck E. Cheese. Maybe do a home video with my boyfriend, like Paris Hilton did, OOPS, will my dad be reading this?
DbD: Hope so.
Miley Cyrus: Okay, what I meant was do a video like Minnie Mouse.
DbD: Speaking of your dad, you two are very similar, both being successful country singers and…
Miley Cyrus: Sorry, I don’t think so. There is a BIG difference -- like I ride, or used to, ride a girl’s bike and he rides a boy’s bike. He grows hair and my face, I don’t. He’s married to my mommy, I’m not. He pees standing up, I don’t. That’s not the same is it? Not even close.
DbD: Are you dating right now?
Miley Cyrus: I never do that.
DbD: Never date?
Miley Cyrus: Oh date, I thought you said mate. If I was mating, my daddy would hog-tie me and throw me to the dogs.
DbD: Does it bother you having all these front teeth?
Miley Cyrus: Comes in really handy when my mommy makes some corn on the cob.
DbD: We read that you write many of your own songs.
Miley Cyrus: Sorry, that’s not true. I print them.
DbD: Your movie was in 3D who’s idea was that?
Miley Cyrus: That was mine, I wanted to make my boobs look bigger.
DbD: Miley…
Miley Cyrus: That’s Hannah, Montana, MONTANA!
DbD: Wherever. Good-bye.
* * *
Thursday, April 8, 2010
REAL NEWS: she has killer boobs
British woman Claire Smedley almost killed her lover during sex - with her enormous breasts.
Mum-of-three Smedley, 27, who has 40LL breasts, panicked when she lifted them up while having sex and found that her lover Steven had stopped breathing.
In an exclusive video interview with the News of the World, she revealed how Steven usually loved being smothered by her breasts.
"This time, he started flailing around a bit but I assumed it was because he was so excited, so I kept going. A few minutes later I noticed he'd stopped moving," she said.
By then, sales assistant Steven, also 27, was still and appeared to not be breathing.
"I was panicking and just about to call 999 when, thankfully, he started to come round.
"He was really woozy, like he was in a trance. Then he sort of coughed and sat up. I was so relieved," the News of the World quoted Smedley as saying.
"I did think my time had come. I tried to slap her on her arm to get her to stop and get off me, but I think she misread the signals.
"The next thing I knew, she was sitting over me asking if I was all right. I must have blacked out. It was pretty hair-raising," Steven said.
Smedley said: "After that he went off sex."
- ANI
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
THE NAKED TRUTH: If Jenn Aniston says something, we listen! So should all your FRIENDS!
"Look I eat really well and I work out, but I also indulge when I want to. I don’t starve myself in an extremist way. You’re not taking away my coffee or my dairy or my glass of wine because I’d be devastated. My advice: just stop eating shit every day."
Jessica says so, so it must be so
"I will never do nudity. I don't care how dark and intellectual the role could be, you know, I don't care if I frickin' could get an Oscar for it, I'm not going to do it. Those accolades mean nothing to me. I don't think people deserve to see what's under my clothing. That's only for my next husband."
* * *
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
