D.B.: Welcome to THE DARTBOARD, Jessica Simpson.
JESSICA : Darn it, I been practicing at home and I forgot to bring my darts.
D.B.: Sorry this is actually an internet site called THE DARTBOARD.
JESSICA : The internet? Is that thing still going?
D.B.: Sure is.
JESSICA : Hmmm, maybe I should buy one.
D.B.: Maybe you should. To start, did you have any role models that you modeled your acting career on?
JESSICA : Oh ya, definitely.
D.B.: Who would that be?
JESSICA : I always wanted to be the next Ellie-May Clampet of the Beverly Hillbillies.
D.B.: Interesting.
So Jessica, I think we all want to know, what’s new relationship-wise?
JESSICA : Relations? Oh, Ashley is is fine.
D.B.: Sorry we meant how are the MEN in your life.
JESSICA : Oh the men. Daddy’s doing fine and Nick and I are still divorced
D.B.: You’re been quoted as saying “skinny models make me puke” – are you doing anything about that?
JESSICA : Eating more and staying away from long bus trips and bumpy plane rides. And momma’s grits of course. Sorry momma!
D.B.: Can we talk about your movies?
JESSICA : Sure thing.
D.B.: What was it like making the re-make of THE DUKES OF HAZZARD.
JESSICA : My daddy told me if you can’t say anything nice about something then don’t say anything at all.
D.B. : Okay, what about EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH?
JESSICA : No comment.
D.B. : BLONDE AMBITION?
JESSICA : No comment.
D.B. : Didn’t you also appear in THE LOVE GURU playing yourself?
JESSICA : That was hard. No comment.
D.B. : How about your TV shows with NICK LACHEY?
JESSICA : No comment.
D.B. : Jessica, I think this interview is over.
JESSICA : Are you telling me that my boots, or my boobs, are made for walking.
D.B. : Yup, sure do, both of them.
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