To have really made it as a celebrity means you have to have a food item named after you. At DART'S DINER you're welcome to chow down on some dishes, soon to be your new favorites.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Dart's Eats
To have really made it as a celebrity means you have to have a food item named after you. At DART'S DINER you're welcome to chow down on some dishes, soon to be your new favorites.
GOOD Reasons To DIVORCE
o Can leave lights on.
o Play music as loud as you want.
o Enjoy a tub of Häagen-Dazs with no guilt or need to share.
o Enjoy your own farts.
o Flirting with neighbors is now alright.
o No more waiting for the bathroom.
o Not longer necessary to remember important dates.
o One less Christmas present to buy.
HIGHER RATINGS --- YES!
When JAY LENO moved his show from late night to prime time, he promised the new spot would show us stuff he never did on his previous program. Tell us (show us) more!
THIRTEEN (not so lucky) SIGNS YOUR MOTHER IS TRYING TO KILL YOU
In this age of tot-moms that kill, one can never be too careful. From our “I fought my ma, and my ma won” dept., here are the things that Nancy Grace never told you:
1) She lends you her electric hair dryer while you’re taking a bath.
2) Her new hobby is sharpening her machete knife.
3) She takes notes marked DON’T while watching CSI and Cold Case.
4) She tells you a shark she put in your swimming pool that is playful.
5) She puts your favorite blanket and duct tape in the trunk of her car.
6) She puts razor blades in your apple to prepare you for Halloween.
7) Challenges you to see how long you can hold your breath underwater while holding your head in the toilet.
8) She insists that a handful of sleeping pills are the same as one vitamin.
9) She cooks you a pizza with her special freshly just-picked mushrooms
10) She plays with you hangman with real rope.
11) For summer vacation she sends you to a concentration camp.
12) She asks you to look under the car while she checks the reverse.
13) She buys you a pet cobra.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
PSychicKIKI feels all, sees all, tells all
BALLS, balls, balls, she has two. (No other psychic can say that!) By looking at her crystal orbs and laying her hands on them, some thing comes over her. She is able to see things, like the future.
Here’s some of her predictions:
To help the environment the Bee Gees will change their name to the BGs.
King Tut will be discovered after coming out if the tomb to be a crossdresser – so be re-named Queen Tut.
The Olsen twins will reveal they are triplets. The third sister in hiding because of her weight problems.
Stevie Wonder will get his Driver’s License.
Judge Judy will admit to being naked under her robes.
A bunny will be arrested for peeing in the pool at the Playboy Mansion.
Sarah Palin will switch from glasses to contacts.
“Take Your Child To Work Day” will be made a national holiday.
THE BULLSEYE (asking Dart the real questions that really matter)
Dart:
Just a personal question that’s been bothering me all day today.
What king of name is DART? Is it foreign or something?
Or maybe, when you were born your parents, having a real good sense of humor, thought naming you DART would have people laughing at you all your life? Is there any chance I could meet you?
Cheers,
S. Hole
* * *
Dear Hole,
Love to meet you! And when we do I hope you stand real close. That way I can turn you around and kick your ass.
NO SIMON COWELL AND 8 OTHER GOOD REASONS TO GO TO CANADA
You can tell the month by the weather outside.
Paper money comes in colors.
No deserts.
Canadian tv stations show mostly American shows.
Everybody knows what a Zamboni is and does.
No troops in Iraq.
Snow on Valentines Day.
Easier to memorize the names of 10 province instead of 50 states.
BUSTED: SOMEBODY'S FIBBING
LISA ANN, the X-rated star of WHO'S NAILIN' PALIN?, tells she started seeing ROB KARDASHIAN, (a former model seen in several episodes of Keeping Up With The Kardashians) after meeting him at an LA gym around the time of his sister KLHOE's wedding in September.
"He treats me like his little teacher and we have a fun sexual relationship that is simple and carefree." She squeals.
Friends of Rob’s say she's using Rob to attract publicity.
One friend saying: "Lisa Ann did meet Rob, but that's it. Never hooked up. She wants a bit of fame right now. Rob is laughing it off!"
* * * * *
HMMM? X-rated porn star and ex-model – who’d of thunk it?
* * * * *
Saturday, November 28, 2009
The Top Pop Songs of the Decade (with more than a few mean darts from me)
With the Time Square Ball soon to drop, it will not only be the end of the year, but also the end of the decade. With lists abounding everywhere here are some darts from us on the top ten picks from Popeater’s list.
10. 'Crazy,' Gnarls Barkley (2006)
Oh yeah, with a name like Gnarls (said with silent 'G' I think), who would of thought your song would be called CRAZY. What’s the next one? 'Nuts?', 'Mental?', 'Committed?'. Good Gluck!
9. 'Cry Me a River,' Justin Timberlake (2002)
Please, please, please do it! I’m tired of your SNL appearances singing dirty songs that don’t sound dirty but are, thus you get away with it. speaking of rip-offs, do you think we forgot what you did to Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl!
8. 'Hollaback Girl,' Gwen Stefani (2005)
For someone who’s name that sounds like an item on the Italian restaurant menu item, do we honestly need some girl singing/screaming how to spell banana - 'B A N A N A'. QUICK, someone call Sesame Street and holla "Hire this girl!”.
7. 'Take Me Out,' Franz Ferdinand (2004)
Franz -- Mike Tyson, Mike Tyson – Franz Ferdinand., Now F.F., tell M.T. what the name of your song is? Sounds like a hit to me!
6. 'Umbrella,' Rihanna (2007)
It’s raining, It’s pouring. Am I the only one that’s snoring?
5. 'Can't Get You Out of My Head,' Kylie Minogue (2001)
Have you seen A shrink? Talking about could help. If not put an ad on Craig’s List and find someone else.
4. 'Yeah!,' Usher (2004)
I could say "I WAS AN USHER AT USHER’S WEDDING" but that would be cheap comedy – cheap - like the name of this song. Can hardly wait for 'NO!', 'MAYBE?', and 'NOT SURE!'.
3. 'Since You've Been Gone,' Kelly Clarkson (2005)
“I’ve been very happy – thank you very much – and you? Are you still eating too much and denying it?”
2. 'Toxic,' Britney Spears (2004)
'Toxic' or 'talk sick' or more like 'sick talk'? All have secret meaning to the pop-tart whose initials have no secret meaning -- B. S. .
1. 'Hey Ya!,' OutKast (2003)
Isn’t that what you say when someone reminds you of something then you magically remember that you knew it. In this case, isn’t your name spelled with a “c” not a “K”? Oh Yeah!
SEX TAPES FROM CELEBRITIES YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO SEE (honest)
Seems like everybody these days has a sex tape. I don't -- but that's irrelevant. But there are some we just don't want to see. If you're thinking Paris Hilton -- TOO LATE! But before others get on the show-all bandwagon, here's some titles that should be on the banned-wagon.
Al Pacino No-No’s
Dick In Jane Fonda
Hardy Har-Monica Lewinsky
Kelly Aw, Aw, Aw, Osborne
Let’s Ring Around Rosie Oh, Oh, Oh, O’Donnell
My Big Fat Greek Woody Allen
Peter Falk Me
Really Big Dick Van Dyke
The Devil In Ms Joan Rivers
Yoko Oh-NO!
SEX? IT CAN ALSO MEAN GENDER
Male or Female? Many non-living objects are actually either male or female. To clear up any confusion, here’s some examples fromaround the house or office::
FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off -- it may take a while to warm them up again. Push the right buttons and it’s a effective reproductive device. Push the wrong ones and you get trouble.
TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are not very useful when inflated.
SPONGES: Female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain ware.
HOT AIR BALLOONS: A male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under them.
WEB PAGES: Female -- constantly being looked at and good ones are always getting hit on.
TRAINS: Male -- always use the same old lines for picking up people.
EGG TIMERS: Female -- eventually all the weight can shift to the bottom.
HAMMERS: Male because in the last 5000 years, they’ve hardly changed at all, but they are still handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female -- gives a man hours of pleasure if he knows how to work it.
FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off -- it may take a while to warm them up again. Push the right buttons and it’s a effective reproductive device. Push the wrong ones and you get trouble.
TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are not very useful when inflated.
SPONGES: Female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain ware.
HOT AIR BALLOONS: A male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under them.
WEB PAGES: Female -- constantly being looked at and good ones are always getting hit on.
TRAINS: Male -- always use the same old lines for picking up people.
EGG TIMERS: Female -- eventually all the weight can shift to the bottom.
HAMMERS: Male because in the last 5000 years, they’ve hardly changed at all, but they are still handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female -- gives a man hours of pleasure if he knows how to work it.
LADY GAGA -- what are you thinking?
o “Help, help, I’m ga-ga-ga-ga ga-ing!”
o “Thank you Amy Winehouse for lending me your eyelashes.”
o “Can you see if there’s something stuck between my teeth?”
o “I don’t feel so good – maybe it’s something I put in my mouth.”
o “I’ve been told if I smile too much, I’ll look like Britney Spears!”
o “I’m ready for my close-up.”
o “Ewww, I think I should of paid the extra few bucks to get my hair done properly.”
Friday, November 27, 2009
SHOW HER THE $$$$ - glasses cost money
BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA:
BRITNEY SPEARS put the sex into specs as she performed in geek chic glasses and a bowler hat in Brisbane.
And she added pants so big they would make Bridget Jones blush, teamed with sexy fishnet tights and a black bra.
Despite earlier controversy over her miming on stage, the singer's Circus tour has proved a huge hit Down Under and has smashed COLDPLAY's record for ticket sales at Sydney's Acer Arena.
Her four gigs sold an amazing 66,247 tickets - 7,000 more than CHRIS MARTIN'S band.
* * *
ARE YOU HORNIER THAN A 5TH GRADER?
a three minute true or false test that if u pass you fail
TRUE or FALSE
• Are you the last one leaving a public change room?
• Do you buy underwear because the box has a picture?
• Do you giggle when someone says “crack” or “but”?
• Do your favorite super heroes wear tight outfits?
• Do you know your mother’s bra size?
• Do you know the color and size of your neighbor’s bathing suit?
• Do you know what day the next issue of Playboy/Playgirl comes out?
• Do you know what this month’s Cosmopolitan cover story is?
• Do you sit closer to the tv screen during re-runs of Baywatch or Charlie’s Angels?
• Do you undress dolls to see if they are anatomically correct?
• Do you watch Olympic gymnastics or figure skating events in slow motion replays over and over again?
RESULTS:
If you answered more TRUE than FALSE, don't move, put your hands up, the police have been called. They know who and where you are and are on their way. (SIRENS WAILING)
TRUE or FALSE
• Are you the last one leaving a public change room?
• Do you buy underwear because the box has a picture?
• Do you giggle when someone says “crack” or “but”?
• Do your favorite super heroes wear tight outfits?
• Do you know your mother’s bra size?
• Do you know the color and size of your neighbor’s bathing suit?
• Do you know what day the next issue of Playboy/Playgirl comes out?
• Do you know what this month’s Cosmopolitan cover story is?
• Do you sit closer to the tv screen during re-runs of Baywatch or Charlie’s Angels?
• Do you undress dolls to see if they are anatomically correct?
• Do you watch Olympic gymnastics or figure skating events in slow motion replays over and over again?
RESULTS:
If you answered more TRUE than FALSE, don't move, put your hands up, the police have been called. They know who and where you are and are on their way. (SIRENS WAILING)
Thursday, November 26, 2009
TV GUIDEd TOUR OF INDIA
From the people that gave you the famous Taj Mahal, and the recent Academy Award winner SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE, let's look at what playing on the flat-screened box these days.
Yoga Bear
Turban Cowboy
SlumDog the Elephant Hunter
Rappin’ with Muslim Shady
Meal or No Meal
Live With Regis and Ghandi
Kate and Allah
Indian Idol with Paula Abdullah
I Love New Delhi
How I Met Your Mohammed
Hannah Kolkata
Dancing With the Sitars
Bombaywatch
Bollywood Stars
Amos and Gandhi
* * *
Yoga Bear
Turban Cowboy
SlumDog the Elephant Hunter
Rappin’ with Muslim Shady
Meal or No Meal
Live With Regis and Ghandi
Kate and Allah
Indian Idol with Paula Abdullah
I Love New Delhi
How I Met Your Mohammed
Hannah Kolkata
Dancing With the Sitars
Bombaywatch
Bollywood Stars
Amos and Gandhi
* * *
SEVEN Ways To Piss Off Al Gore
Take the muffler off your car.
Go polar bear hunting.
Use your toilet as a garbage disposal.
Suggest he work as a wrestling tag team called Blood & Gore.
Replace your flashlight with a spotlight.
Convert to a wood-burning stove and chop down trees for firewood.
Remind him his wife is named Tipper.
Go polar bear hunting.
Use your toilet as a garbage disposal.
Suggest he work as a wrestling tag team called Blood & Gore.
Replace your flashlight with a spotlight.
Convert to a wood-burning stove and chop down trees for firewood.
Remind him his wife is named Tipper.
THE BULLSEYE (asking Dart the real questions that really matter)
dear Dart,
URGENT: I need your help. My marriage is in deep trouble. How deep? Deeper than than Marianas Trench. Here's the 20/20. I recently bought a life insurance policy on myself for a million dollars, my wife I listed as the beneficiary.
Since then she's become very mean to me. NO sex, NO drugs, not even any rock 'n' roll. I think she may even be trying to kill me by poisoning me. Today she laughed and made me a drink she said I'll never forget. What shall i do?
Barry Mee
* * *
B.M., you sound like a chronic complainer. The only way to put your suspicions to rest is by drinking it.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
No pussys for Mariah!!
Mariah Carey's recently requested to have 20 (not 10) white (not black) kittens at a Christmas lights switch-on in England has been blocked.
(TELL ME WHY!)
The diva of divas reportedly wanted the young meow-ers and 100 white doves (birds not the soaps) to accompany her at the extravagant switch-on ceremony at shopping centre in west London.
Also she requested to be showered with butterfly-shaped confetti - her favorite insect (not moths?) while standing on a pink podium and waving a magic wand (batteries not included).
The singer arrived in a Rolls-Royce and was accompanied by 80 security guards as well as her 15-strong entourage (she has friends?).
But while most of her demands were met, health and safety officials refused her request to have kittens and doves - because animals are not allowed inside the complex.
"We did manage to source the doves that we were going to release into the sky, but the kittens proved terribly difficult." was the official statement.
* * *
MAYBE SHE COULD HAVE SPENT A MINUTE SHOPPING FOR A CHEAP BRA -- LIKE SHE CAN'T AFFORD ONE!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
REASONS NOT TO GO TO CANADA
* 24 hour hockey on radio and tv stations everywhere.
* Waitresses won’t serve you in Quebec unless you order in French.
* You have to lick the back of the Queen of England’s head every time you use a postage stamp.
* Many believe that Justin Timberlake is a good place to go camping.
* The top magazine is called MACLEANS but it is pronounced MACLANES.
* Celine Dione is from Canada.
* They know the plural of MOOSE is Moose.
* They have Provinces not States.
* Saskatchewan is harder to spell than Massachusetts.
* It is far away from Disneyland.
JUST INHALE:
First U.S. marijuana cafe opens in Portland
PORTLAND, Oregon (Reuters) - The United States' first marijuana cafe opened on Friday, posing an early test of the Obama administration's move to relax policing of medical use of the drug.
The CANNABIS CAFE in Portland, Oregon, is the first to give certified medical marijuana users a place to get hold of the drug and smoke it -- as long as they are out of public view -- despite a federal ban.
THE HUFFINGTON POST has some other name suggestions:
• The Grass Hut
• The Dopeteria
• The Weeding Room
• Stoned Depot
• De Pot Depot
• McDoobies
• International House of Potcakes
• The Joint Joint
• Paranoid Eddie's Bakery
• Pottery Barn
MY DARTBOARD had more:
* The Coffee Pot
* Pot Luck
* Go Potty
* Hash Wednesdays
* Pot Of Gold
* Pimps And Hookahs
* Toking Out Loud
* Merry Wannabees
* High Hopes
* Weeder’s Digest
* Splendor In The Grass
* Keep On The Grass
* Weed Be Friends
And the #1 name for a marijuana café:
MY GRASS HOLE
A DARTBOARD Suggestion: Have All The Servers Wear Grass Skirts.
Hef said it - so it must be true!
"What is the closest I've come to death? There was a moment when I was having sex with four Playmates and I almost swallowed a Ben Wa ball."
IN OTHER NEWS: Former live-in-sleepover-buddy Mensa drop-out Kendra has not yet explained how she swallowed a basketball without choking.
IN OTHER NEWS: Former live-in-sleepover-buddy Mensa drop-out Kendra has not yet explained how she swallowed a basketball without choking.
TODAY'S DART: Don't mess with the Lohan!
From WENN.COM -- Lindsay Lohan has come under fire from bosses at an exclusive U.S. boutique - after she allegedly demanded $15,000 in free gifts despite failing to properly promote her in-store leggings range.
Reports surfaced earlier this month that the Mean Girls actress was fuming after a store assistant at Los Angeles' Kitson refused to allow her to go on a hefty spree without charge.
And bosses at the retail outfit aren't letting the tantrum go without punishment - they have slammed the star for her demanding ways, and insist she should be grateful they are still stocking her 6126 leggings range.
A spokesperson for Kitson tells Fox News, "We're actually really offended. The tables have turned and now we're the customer.
"We spent $50,000 on her leggings line, but she hasn't come to the store in three years, and she didn't even do a personal appearance.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Her name says it all – psyCHICKiki.
Do we need to say more?
She’s a predictor of all – people, place and things (even tomorrow’s weather).
Unlike others, she has two balls (big ones). Her best friends testify that what this “chick” is in fact certifiably “mental”. She shyly brags she has ESPN.
Her predictions are so accurate that not even an old hag at sideshow carnival booth (that yoo've paid ten bucks) would have a hard time matching. Only Al Roeker can claim to do better.
Don’t sit back (or stand up) and don’t say we didn’t advise (alert, caution, warn) you – here is what PSYCHICKIKI says (tells us) about the future!
Tomorrow’s headlines today!
• Lance Armstrong will get a bike for Christmas.
• Someone will tell Victoria’s secret.
• Donald Trump will give donate extra hair to Doctor Phil.
• Jack and Jill will be banned from ski resorts.
• Paris Hilton will have a hotel named after her. The SILLY BITCH INN will have not require reservations.
• Katie Perry will write a kiss and tell book.
• A woman will walk on the moon and leave high heel impressions that will last for millions of years.
• Britney Spears will market her own line of invisible underwear.
what's new pussy-cat?
The former gay-hating Miss USA cunt-estant-loser performs some of her hands-on favorites:
* ALL BY MYSELF
* I FEEL FINE
* SEE ME, FEEL ME, TOUCH ME
* FIXING A HOLE
* DANCING WITH MYSELF
And the special bonus track with the self-made home video
** CALIFORNIA HERE I CUM!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
BULLetin: Double Double for Pam
A SOURCE close to the DARTBOARD tells us that the former BAYWATCH STAR (not David Hasselhoff (who friends "the Hoff")) has opened a chain of coffee shops. The limited menu is a double latte in double D-cup.
THE BULLSEYE (asking Dart the real questions that really matter)
Hey Dart,
Hope you can help me! This is kind of a personal matter so I hope you can keep it between you and me. I know I can trust you to keep this private because it's just the kind of person you are. There is no one I can trust more than you. If other people knew of my problem it would be devastating. Here is my dilemma. There is a certain man I've fallen in love with. I only see him on Sundays and then only briefly. When I sleep all I think and dream about is him on top of me. I wake up in a sweat screaming "JESUS CHRIST". I tried praying about this but it doesn't work. More of my secret is that I'm also a virgin so I'm worried that if we ever connected I'd be clumsy and scare him away. I know our relationship would work because we both like the same music, as well as reading the same book, over, and over, and over again, and spend endless hours discussing it with others. I need your wisdom to help me. Do you have any tips how I could get myself laid? AMEN
Sister Mary Little Lamb
------------------
Listen Sister, I don't have any tips. I'm not a waitress or a racetrack bookie! I could easily tell you to "go to hell" but you probably already have a first class ticket with a window seat reserved. Say HI to LUCI for me!!!
Hope you can help me! This is kind of a personal matter so I hope you can keep it between you and me. I know I can trust you to keep this private because it's just the kind of person you are. There is no one I can trust more than you. If other people knew of my problem it would be devastating. Here is my dilemma. There is a certain man I've fallen in love with. I only see him on Sundays and then only briefly. When I sleep all I think and dream about is him on top of me. I wake up in a sweat screaming "JESUS CHRIST". I tried praying about this but it doesn't work. More of my secret is that I'm also a virgin so I'm worried that if we ever connected I'd be clumsy and scare him away. I know our relationship would work because we both like the same music, as well as reading the same book, over, and over, and over again, and spend endless hours discussing it with others. I need your wisdom to help me. Do you have any tips how I could get myself laid? AMEN
Sister Mary Little Lamb
------------------
Listen Sister, I don't have any tips. I'm not a waitress or a racetrack bookie! I could easily tell you to "go to hell" but you probably already have a first class ticket with a window seat reserved. Say HI to LUCI for me!!!
LADIES FIGHT BACK -- how to combat pick-up lines
Maybe you’ve heard them before or maybe even tried them? In any case -- a good defense is as, maybe better, than a good offence.
Try these answers to some familiar unasked for advances:
Man: Haven't we met before?
Woman: Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man: So, wanna go back to my place ?
Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.
Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Woman: It's in the phone book.
Man: But I don't know your name.
Woman: That's in the phone book too.
Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: What sign were you born under?
Woman: No Parking.
Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not Enter
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized !
Man: Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason
Woman: Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!
Man: I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.
Woman: You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?
Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?
Woman: Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Try these answers to some familiar unasked for advances:
Man: Haven't we met before?
Woman: Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man: So, wanna go back to my place ?
Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.
Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Woman: It's in the phone book.
Man: But I don't know your name.
Woman: That's in the phone book too.
Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: What sign were you born under?
Woman: No Parking.
Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not Enter
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized !
Man: Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason
Woman: Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!
Man: I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.
Woman: You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?
Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?
Woman: Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Friday, November 20, 2009
NA NA NA NA NAAAAAAAAAAA where is he?
There hasn’t been a caped crusader escapade since he joked around with Heath Ledger. Maybe there’s a more sinister explanation? He’s hiding, From who? Here are some Dark Knight's villains you've never heard of.
Count Chocula
Elephant woman
Roto Rooter man
THE Crossing Guard
The Diddler
The Giggler
The Kindergarten Teacher
The Sissy
The Waitress
The Whistler
Thursday, November 19, 2009
THE BULLSEYE (asking Dart the real questions that really matter)
Dear DART,
I hope you don't mind the CAPS I use SO frequently. The REASON I do this is because I feel not ENOUGH attention is given to the SHIFT key. The poor key resting on BOTH the right AND left side of the keyboard ONLY gets called into DUTY when it comes to the beginning of names AND the beginning OF sentences. DO you know any WAY we could do someTHING about THIS injustice before THIS guy gives it up all TOGETHER?
jack HOFF
---------------
Well J.H., my advice is to ask someone who cares. Who do you think I am Kim Kommando?
I hope you don't mind the CAPS I use SO frequently. The REASON I do this is because I feel not ENOUGH attention is given to the SHIFT key. The poor key resting on BOTH the right AND left side of the keyboard ONLY gets called into DUTY when it comes to the beginning of names AND the beginning OF sentences. DO you know any WAY we could do someTHING about THIS injustice before THIS guy gives it up all TOGETHER?
jack HOFF
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Well J.H., my advice is to ask someone who cares. Who do you think I am Kim Kommando?
why to choose a GEEK lover
• A GEEK LOVER could fix your computer. Do you really need any more good excuses?
+ A GEEK LOVER would have friends who can fix your computer (if your GEEK couldn't).
+ You don’t own a computer? A GEEK LOVER could also hook up the Cable TV, satellite dish, program your VCR, connect the DVD player.
+ An EXTRA! A GEEK LOVER would have friends who could could also hook up the the Cable TV, satellite dish, program your VCR, connect the DVD player.(if your geek is busy).
+ Not only that, A GEEK LOVER can also fix your other electronic gizmos, And A GEEK LOVER can do the same for your friends’ stuff.
+ You will learn the joys of cooking with feta cheese. Drinking Ouzo! OOPA! As well as getting stuffed with the variety of all the different meats that can be cooked on a stick. WAIT! STOP! (Sorry, this reason was meant for hooking up with a GREEK, not GEEK. (NEVERMIND!)
+ You’ll never miss a Star Trek TV show, Star Trek movie or Star Trek Convention – at least more than once.
+ Not into computers, TVs and DVDs? What about the other hi-tech gadgets you don’t own and want? Cellphones, computers, digital cameras, camcorders, and MP3 players will all be under the Christmas tree as with your next birthday with your name on it.
And just think how popular you will be and how much your friends will like you!
Your phone won’t stop ringing from all these needy and cheap friends wanting you and your GEEK to come over.
So now you know what’s in it for you.
Hurry, hurry, hurry, there must be a Best Buy close to you. A perfect site to check out some GEEKY prospects.
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