Monday, August 23, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
THE DARTBOARD (special edition): If you have the right questions -- we have the right answers
*** A SPECIAL GAY QUESTIONS EDITION
Hey Dart,
Where have you been?
I MISS YOU.
How are you? Not that I know you, or that I’ve ever met you, so why should I , or should you, care about all that.
My question today, today being Wednesday, (don’t know what time or day it is where you are?) is simple. I hope you're answer is simple cause I am told I am a simple girl.
My boyfriend (yes, I’m dating) likes flat-chested girls who don’t wear dresses.
Is he gay?
Billie-Jean Iznotmychild
Jacksonville
- - -
Well B-J.,
I assume if he’s dating you, if he wasn’t gay before he met you, he is now.
+ + +
D-d-d-dart!
I wish I could tell you how hard it is writing to you, but if I did I would probably be arrested again and put away in a place where once again forced to shower with sweaty men bigger than me.
But I digress.
My current squeeze, Lance, confided in me recently that his previous lover gave him crabs. As you can imagine, this upset me greatly.
So, should I try to outdo and better his ex by treating Lance to lobster at RED LOBSTER or some other seafood joint? If it matters RED LOBSTER is currently celebrating LOBSTERFEST.
O. Henry
Not Hershey, PA
- - -
O.H.,
Is Lance’s last name A-lot? Just checking. Are there nuts in Hershey? Just checking?
+ + +
Hello D.B.,
Knowing you know everything, and I know nothing, I have a simple question.
If you don’t know already, I’m, aw shucks, let me say it like it is, I’m homophobic.
Do you know if there are any states, or countries, I could move to and settle there, with my family and our dogs, where being gay is illegal and instead of having GAY PRIDE they celebrate GAY HIDE.
Sarah Palin
The State of Confusion, (Alaska)
- - -
Hey, ex-Gov.,
Or do you prefer losing V.P. candidate?
Why didn’t you not think of this earlier? I’m sure this exit would make many people very, very happy.
But before you start to pack and googling TRAVELOCITY, maybe think of staying put. If your slutty tramp daughter turns lesbian, the worry of another cheap wreckless unwanted pregnancy would disappear.
Aren’t there enough crying Palins already?
* * * * *
Hey Dart,
Where have you been?
I MISS YOU.
How are you? Not that I know you, or that I’ve ever met you, so why should I , or should you, care about all that.
My question today, today being Wednesday, (don’t know what time or day it is where you are?) is simple. I hope you're answer is simple cause I am told I am a simple girl.
My boyfriend (yes, I’m dating) likes flat-chested girls who don’t wear dresses.
Is he gay?
Billie-Jean Iznotmychild
Jacksonville
- - -
Well B-J.,
I assume if he’s dating you, if he wasn’t gay before he met you, he is now.
+ + +
D-d-d-dart!
I wish I could tell you how hard it is writing to you, but if I did I would probably be arrested again and put away in a place where once again forced to shower with sweaty men bigger than me.
But I digress.
My current squeeze, Lance, confided in me recently that his previous lover gave him crabs. As you can imagine, this upset me greatly.
So, should I try to outdo and better his ex by treating Lance to lobster at RED LOBSTER or some other seafood joint? If it matters RED LOBSTER is currently celebrating LOBSTERFEST.
O. Henry
Not Hershey, PA
- - -
O.H.,
Is Lance’s last name A-lot? Just checking. Are there nuts in Hershey? Just checking?
+ + +
Hello D.B.,
Knowing you know everything, and I know nothing, I have a simple question.
If you don’t know already, I’m, aw shucks, let me say it like it is, I’m homophobic.
Do you know if there are any states, or countries, I could move to and settle there, with my family and our dogs, where being gay is illegal and instead of having GAY PRIDE they celebrate GAY HIDE.
Sarah Palin
The State of Confusion, (Alaska)
- - -
Hey, ex-Gov.,
Or do you prefer losing V.P. candidate?
Why didn’t you not think of this earlier? I’m sure this exit would make many people very, very happy.
But before you start to pack and googling TRAVELOCITY, maybe think of staying put. If your slutty tramp daughter turns lesbian, the worry of another cheap wreckless unwanted pregnancy would disappear.
Aren’t there enough crying Palins already?
* * * * *
Monday, April 12, 2010
the DARTBOARD interview: Miley Cyrus
DbD: Welcome to THE DARTBOARD, Miley Cyrus.
Is it okay to call you Miley?
Miley Cyrus: No I prefer you call me Hannah or Miss Montana, or Hannah Montana. Big shout to my cousins, Hanah Alabama, Hanah California, Hannah Alaska and my Canadian cousin Hannah Alberta.
Miley Cyrus: Hey girls!
DbD: By the way did you ride your bike to come over here today?
Miley Cyrus: No, I took my surfboard. My daddy won’t let me on my bike after I fell off and broke some of my front teeth. Do you know how much front teeth cost?
DbD: Probable expensive.
Miley Cyrus: Yeah, and you multiple that times 50 front teeth and I need a good hit record pronto.
DbD: You’re going to be 18 this year, that’s legal age. Any plans for your birthday?
Miley Cyrus: Get drunk with my dad, OOPS, I mean go to Chuck E. Cheese. Maybe do a home video with my boyfriend, like Paris Hilton did, OOPS, will my dad be reading this?
DbD: Hope so.
Miley Cyrus: Okay, what I meant was do a video like Minnie Mouse.
DbD: Speaking of your dad, you two are very similar, both being successful country singers and…
Miley Cyrus: Sorry, I don’t think so. There is a BIG difference -- like I ride, or used to, ride a girl’s bike and he rides a boy’s bike. He grows hair and my face, I don’t. He’s married to my mommy, I’m not. He pees standing up, I don’t. That’s not the same is it? Not even close.
DbD: Are you dating right now?
Miley Cyrus: I never do that.
DbD: Never date?
Miley Cyrus: Oh date, I thought you said mate. If I was mating, my daddy would hog-tie me and throw me to the dogs.
DbD: Does it bother you having all these front teeth?
Miley Cyrus: Comes in really handy when my mommy makes some corn on the cob.
DbD: We read that you write many of your own songs.
Miley Cyrus: Sorry, that’s not true. I print them.
DbD: Your movie was in 3D who’s idea was that?
Miley Cyrus: That was mine, I wanted to make my boobs look bigger.
DbD: Miley…
Miley Cyrus: That’s Hannah, Montana, MONTANA!
DbD: Wherever. Good-bye.
* * *
Is it okay to call you Miley?
Miley Cyrus: No I prefer you call me Hannah or Miss Montana, or Hannah Montana. Big shout to my cousins, Hanah Alabama, Hanah California, Hannah Alaska and my Canadian cousin Hannah Alberta.
Miley Cyrus: Hey girls!
DbD: By the way did you ride your bike to come over here today?
Miley Cyrus: No, I took my surfboard. My daddy won’t let me on my bike after I fell off and broke some of my front teeth. Do you know how much front teeth cost?
DbD: Probable expensive.
Miley Cyrus: Yeah, and you multiple that times 50 front teeth and I need a good hit record pronto.
DbD: You’re going to be 18 this year, that’s legal age. Any plans for your birthday?
Miley Cyrus: Get drunk with my dad, OOPS, I mean go to Chuck E. Cheese. Maybe do a home video with my boyfriend, like Paris Hilton did, OOPS, will my dad be reading this?
DbD: Hope so.
Miley Cyrus: Okay, what I meant was do a video like Minnie Mouse.
DbD: Speaking of your dad, you two are very similar, both being successful country singers and…
Miley Cyrus: Sorry, I don’t think so. There is a BIG difference -- like I ride, or used to, ride a girl’s bike and he rides a boy’s bike. He grows hair and my face, I don’t. He’s married to my mommy, I’m not. He pees standing up, I don’t. That’s not the same is it? Not even close.
DbD: Are you dating right now?
Miley Cyrus: I never do that.
DbD: Never date?
Miley Cyrus: Oh date, I thought you said mate. If I was mating, my daddy would hog-tie me and throw me to the dogs.
DbD: Does it bother you having all these front teeth?
Miley Cyrus: Comes in really handy when my mommy makes some corn on the cob.
DbD: We read that you write many of your own songs.
Miley Cyrus: Sorry, that’s not true. I print them.
DbD: Your movie was in 3D who’s idea was that?
Miley Cyrus: That was mine, I wanted to make my boobs look bigger.
DbD: Miley…
Miley Cyrus: That’s Hannah, Montana, MONTANA!
DbD: Wherever. Good-bye.
* * *
Thursday, April 8, 2010
REAL NEWS: she has killer boobs
British woman Claire Smedley almost killed her lover during sex - with her enormous breasts.
Mum-of-three Smedley, 27, who has 40LL breasts, panicked when she lifted them up while having sex and found that her lover Steven had stopped breathing.
In an exclusive video interview with the News of the World, she revealed how Steven usually loved being smothered by her breasts.
"This time, he started flailing around a bit but I assumed it was because he was so excited, so I kept going. A few minutes later I noticed he'd stopped moving," she said.
By then, sales assistant Steven, also 27, was still and appeared to not be breathing.
"I was panicking and just about to call 999 when, thankfully, he started to come round.
"He was really woozy, like he was in a trance. Then he sort of coughed and sat up. I was so relieved," the News of the World quoted Smedley as saying.
"I did think my time had come. I tried to slap her on her arm to get her to stop and get off me, but I think she misread the signals.
"The next thing I knew, she was sitting over me asking if I was all right. I must have blacked out. It was pretty hair-raising," Steven said.
Smedley said: "After that he went off sex."
- ANI
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
THE NAKED TRUTH: If Jenn Aniston says something, we listen! So should all your FRIENDS!
"Look I eat really well and I work out, but I also indulge when I want to. I don’t starve myself in an extremist way. You’re not taking away my coffee or my dairy or my glass of wine because I’d be devastated. My advice: just stop eating shit every day."
Jessica says so, so it must be so
"I will never do nudity. I don't care how dark and intellectual the role could be, you know, I don't care if I frickin' could get an Oscar for it, I'm not going to do it. Those accolades mean nothing to me. I don't think people deserve to see what's under my clothing. That's only for my next husband."
* * *
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
ASSES TO ASHES
In CANADA, the National Coalition Against Contraband Tobacco tell us (as if we didn't know) illegal cigarettes are not just sold illegally, but are manufactured that way, too.
They continue telling us that many of these underground processing areas are set up in tool sheds and garages, where spider's eggs, animal and even human feces can mix with the finished product.
(Ewwww! We didn't know that -- we give up!)
* * *
They continue telling us that many of these underground processing areas are set up in tool sheds and garages, where spider's eggs, animal and even human feces can mix with the finished product.
(Ewwww! We didn't know that -- we give up!)
* * *
SEND HELP! SHE'S ga-ga ING!!
Confessing to U.K.'s Daily Mirror she's sworn off good lovin' for her whole tour.
"I'm single," said Gaga, 23. "I haven't got time to spend on the road to get to know anyone. Even Lady GaGa can be celibate, you don't have to have sex to be loved."
+ + +
BY THE WAY - She's the one on the left.
GENTLEMEN - Would you do her?
* * *
"I'm single," said Gaga, 23. "I haven't got time to spend on the road to get to know anyone. Even Lady GaGa can be celibate, you don't have to have sex to be loved."
+ + +
BY THE WAY - She's the one on the left.
GENTLEMEN - Would you do her?
* * *
Saturday, March 20, 2010
THE DARTBOARD very exclusive INTERVIEW: Nadya "OCTOMOM" Suleman
DARTBOARD: Welcome to THE DARTBOARD, Nadya. And I see you brought your 14 children with you.
OCTOMOM: Yes I did. You notice they all have name tags on them so I can tell them apart. All babies look alike as you probably know. When I first saw the last eight on the ultrasound – they all looked the same. They had to have one of those big screen jobs so I could see all of them looking alike.
Can I introduce them to you?
DARTBOARD: Sure
OCTOMOM: Okay, first this is Eenie, then Meennie, Miny, and Moe, then there’s Sneezy, Sleepy, Dopey, Doc, Happy, Bashful, and Grumpy, and in the back is Curly, Larry, Moe and Ringo.
DARTBOARD: That’s 15. I thought you had 14.
OCTOMOM: I do. One of them is not mine. I’m babysitting one for a friend.
DARTBOARD: Which one?
OCTOMOM: To be honest – I don’t remember.
DARTBOARD: Nevermind.
OCTOMOM: I don’t.
DARTBOARD: Mind if I ask a question?
OCTOMOM: That is a question.
DARTBOARD: How do you manage to feed all these little ones?
OCTOMOM: Easy – I rent a cow.
DARTBOARD: Do you have any plans for yourself?
OCTOMOM: Well if don't get that job working at the circus – I might run for governor of Alaska.
DARTBOARD: Ms Suleman, thanks for coming in.
OCTOMOM: Don’t you want to see me breast feed?
DARTBOARD: No thanks. Good night.
* * *
OCTOMOM: Yes I did. You notice they all have name tags on them so I can tell them apart. All babies look alike as you probably know. When I first saw the last eight on the ultrasound – they all looked the same. They had to have one of those big screen jobs so I could see all of them looking alike.
Can I introduce them to you?
DARTBOARD: Sure
OCTOMOM: Okay, first this is Eenie, then Meennie, Miny, and Moe, then there’s Sneezy, Sleepy, Dopey, Doc, Happy, Bashful, and Grumpy, and in the back is Curly, Larry, Moe and Ringo.
DARTBOARD: That’s 15. I thought you had 14.
OCTOMOM: I do. One of them is not mine. I’m babysitting one for a friend.
DARTBOARD: Which one?
OCTOMOM: To be honest – I don’t remember.
DARTBOARD: Nevermind.
OCTOMOM: I don’t.
DARTBOARD: Mind if I ask a question?
OCTOMOM: That is a question.
DARTBOARD: How do you manage to feed all these little ones?
OCTOMOM: Easy – I rent a cow.
DARTBOARD: Do you have any plans for yourself?
OCTOMOM: Well if don't get that job working at the circus – I might run for governor of Alaska.
DARTBOARD: Ms Suleman, thanks for coming in.
OCTOMOM: Don’t you want to see me breast feed?
DARTBOARD: No thanks. Good night.
* * *
BBC NEWS REPORTS:
The trusted news source says:
MAN ASSAULTED OFFICER WITH PENIS
A man who assaulted a female police officer with his penis has been fined.
Marium Varinauskas, 28, tried to strike the officer on the head with his penis when she was called out to his flat, but she got out of the way.
Lithuanian Varinauskas admitted a charge of assault at Aberdeen Sheriff Court and was fined £600.
The court heard he had been drinking heavily and could not remember committing the offence at his home in Aberdeen.
Police were called to his home by his girlfriend, who had complained about him being drunk last November.
They arrived to find the self-employed engineer sitting on the sofa wearing a pair of underpants.
“ He apologises profusely and is extremely embarrassed ”
John Hardie Defence solicitor.
Fiscal depute Elaine Lynch said: "The accused got to his feet and was standing over the police officer exposing his penis and thrusting it in her face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck."
Defence solicitor John Hardie said: "He was sitting on the couch drunk with his pants on.
"He can't remember anything but accepts that if that's what the police say then that's what happened.
"He has never been so drunk before that day and accepts he has to take full responsibility. He apologises profusely and is extremely embarrassed."
His not guilty plea to committing a breach of the peace by uttering offensive and sexual remarks was accepted by the Crown.
Sheriff Annella Cowan was told that the Lithuanian had now quit binge drinking because of the incident.
- - -
The Dartboard says:
"What a dick!"
"Will this hold up in court?"
"Lucky it wasn't a stick-up"
"Do the police have hard evidence?"
"The guy must have had balls."
p.s. check out the name of the Defence solicitor -- > John Hardie
* * *
MAN ASSAULTED OFFICER WITH PENIS
A man who assaulted a female police officer with his penis has been fined.
Marium Varinauskas, 28, tried to strike the officer on the head with his penis when she was called out to his flat, but she got out of the way.
Lithuanian Varinauskas admitted a charge of assault at Aberdeen Sheriff Court and was fined £600.
The court heard he had been drinking heavily and could not remember committing the offence at his home in Aberdeen.
Police were called to his home by his girlfriend, who had complained about him being drunk last November.
They arrived to find the self-employed engineer sitting on the sofa wearing a pair of underpants.
“ He apologises profusely and is extremely embarrassed ”
John Hardie Defence solicitor.
Fiscal depute Elaine Lynch said: "The accused got to his feet and was standing over the police officer exposing his penis and thrusting it in her face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck."
Defence solicitor John Hardie said: "He was sitting on the couch drunk with his pants on.
"He can't remember anything but accepts that if that's what the police say then that's what happened.
"He has never been so drunk before that day and accepts he has to take full responsibility. He apologises profusely and is extremely embarrassed."
His not guilty plea to committing a breach of the peace by uttering offensive and sexual remarks was accepted by the Crown.
Sheriff Annella Cowan was told that the Lithuanian had now quit binge drinking because of the incident.
- - -
The Dartboard says:
"What a dick!"
"Will this hold up in court?"
"Lucky it wasn't a stick-up"
"Do the police have hard evidence?"
"The guy must have had balls."
p.s. check out the name of the Defence solicitor -- > John Hardie
* * *
Thursday, March 18, 2010
NEW WORDS
ANAGRAM --> a type of word play, the result of rearranging the letters of a word or phrase to produce a new word or phrase, using all the original letters exactly once.
Jerry Lewis
Jewelry, Sir
Tom Cruise
I'm So Cuter
Kim Kardashian
I Am a Kind Shark
John Mayer
Enjoy Harm
Sandra Bullock
Skull and Cobra
Arnold Schwarzenegger
He's Grown Large 'n' Crazed
Beyonce Knowles
Woken Obscenely
Justin Timberlake
I'm a Jerk, But Listen
James Cameron
Major Menaces
Bob Dylan
Bald, Bony
Robin Williams
I Warm Billions
Mel Gibson
Big Melons
Clint Eastwood
Old West Action
Jerry Seinfeld
Friendly Jeers
Tiger Woods
Got Weirdos
Kirstie Alley
Likes Reality
Britney Spears
Presbyterians
Conan O'Brien
Inane Bronco
Howard Stern
Wonder Trash
Woody Allen
A Lewd Loony
Jennifer Aniston
Fine in Torn Jeans
Sylvester Stallone
Slovenly Steel Star
Paul McCartney
Pay Mr. Clean-Cut
Heidi Montag
Imagined Hot
George Clooney
Cool Energy, Ego
David Letterman
Nerd Amid Late TV
Sarah Palin
A Plain Rash
Leonard Nimoy
I'm Only a Drone
Drew Barrymore
Merry Wardrobe
Madonna Louise Ciccone
One Cool Dance Musician
* * *
Jerry Lewis
Jewelry, Sir
Tom Cruise
I'm So Cuter
Kim Kardashian
I Am a Kind Shark
John Mayer
Enjoy Harm
Sandra Bullock
Skull and Cobra
Arnold Schwarzenegger
He's Grown Large 'n' Crazed
Beyonce Knowles
Woken Obscenely
Justin Timberlake
I'm a Jerk, But Listen
James Cameron
Major Menaces
Bob Dylan
Bald, Bony
Robin Williams
I Warm Billions
Mel Gibson
Big Melons
Clint Eastwood
Old West Action
Jerry Seinfeld
Friendly Jeers
Tiger Woods
Got Weirdos
Kirstie Alley
Likes Reality
Britney Spears
Presbyterians
Conan O'Brien
Inane Bronco
Howard Stern
Wonder Trash
Woody Allen
A Lewd Loony
Jennifer Aniston
Fine in Torn Jeans
Sylvester Stallone
Slovenly Steel Star
Paul McCartney
Pay Mr. Clean-Cut
Heidi Montag
Imagined Hot
George Clooney
Cool Energy, Ego
David Letterman
Nerd Amid Late TV
Sarah Palin
A Plain Rash
Leonard Nimoy
I'm Only a Drone
Drew Barrymore
Merry Wardrobe
Madonna Louise Ciccone
One Cool Dance Musician
* * *
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
CUM AND GET SOME!
THE WIDE WORLD OF SEX
WHERE TO GO – WHEN YOU WANT TO GET SOME
From England’s THE SUN, here’s a guide…..
Sweden
is home to the most bisexual babes in the world, a new study has revealed.
Nordic naughtiness is all the rage with the blonde beauties over there.
But they don't top the league when it comes to lasting the longest in bed - held by Brazil - or come near San Francisco as the kinkiest place to visit.
Here, Rhian Sanville takes a flick through the global sex atlas and picks out some of the hottest facts ever.
New Zealand
Totalling an average of 20.4 sexual partners in a lifetime, New Zealand has the most promiscuous women in the world, a survey reveals.
Austria
With an average of 29.3 sexual partners, Austria's men are the most promiscuous in the world, a survey reveals.
Germany
Germany
is the country with the world's worst lovers as revealed by OnePoll.com survey taken by women from 20 different countries - the reason they gave was that they were 'too smelly'.
Spain
is home to the world's best lovers as revealed by OnePoll.com survey taken by women from 20 different countries.
Thailand
At an average of 10 minutes, sex in Thailand is believed to last the shortest amount of time in the world.
Greece
A Durex survey revealed that Greece is the horniest country in the world.
Brazil
According to The Penguin Atlas of Human Sexual Behaviour, sex lasts the longest in , at an average of 30 minutes.
Australia
Australian breasts are blooming lovely, with over 40 per cent of Australian women now buying bras with a cup size of DD or higher - some bra companies have introduced cup sizes as high as K to accommodate the busty Aussie girls.
Indonesia
Seven times a year on a holiday called 'Pon', Indonesians make a pilgrimage to a sacred mountain on Java to get down and dirty with a person other than their spouse - if they sleep with that same person seven times, they believe their wishes and blessings will come true.
India
When India's first phone-sex line went live, it became so popular that it was driving its users into debt - so the Indian government shut it down.
France
A Marie Claire survey found that 41 per cent of French people have participated in an orgy and 27 per cent have engaged in partner swapping. It is also believed that the French give and receive the most fellatio.
Japan
With a total of 500 people taking part, Japan has successfully set the world record for world's largest orgy. The Harajuku area of Tokyo is famous across the world for its fetish fashions - the most recent fetish-fashion craze to sweep the area is 'injured idol', where scantily clad women dress up in bandages.
Mykonos, Greece
Anything goes on this Greek island, which has been dubbed 'the world's adult playground'.
San Fernando Valley, California, USA
Nearly 90 per cent of all legally distributed pornographic films made in the United States are either filmed in or produced by studios based in the San Fernando Valley - aka "Porn Valley", "San Pornando Valley" or "Silicone Valley".
San Francisco, California, USA
This city is host to the World's largest showcase for S&M products and culture - the Folsom Street Fair.
Tel Aviv, Israel
This city is known as the 'brothel capital of the world', with an estimated 250 knocking shops.
Cap d'Agde, France
Unsurprisingly, France boasts the largest naturist resort in the world - the Cap d'Agde, whose 'Village Naturiste' is made up of a small town and a 2km beach.
Upminster, England
The residents of this suburban town are the kinkiest in England - they spend 7.9 times the national average on sex toys and DVDs to boost their sex lives.
---------------
DARTBOARD says "Could all this be the cause of global warming?"
WHERE TO GO – WHEN YOU WANT TO GET SOME
From England’s THE SUN, here’s a guide…..
Sweden
is home to the most bisexual babes in the world, a new study has revealed.
Nordic naughtiness is all the rage with the blonde beauties over there.
But they don't top the league when it comes to lasting the longest in bed - held by Brazil - or come near San Francisco as the kinkiest place to visit.
Here, Rhian Sanville takes a flick through the global sex atlas and picks out some of the hottest facts ever.
New Zealand
Totalling an average of 20.4 sexual partners in a lifetime, New Zealand has the most promiscuous women in the world, a survey reveals.
Austria
With an average of 29.3 sexual partners, Austria's men are the most promiscuous in the world, a survey reveals.
Germany
Germany
is the country with the world's worst lovers as revealed by OnePoll.com survey taken by women from 20 different countries - the reason they gave was that they were 'too smelly'.
Spain
is home to the world's best lovers as revealed by OnePoll.com survey taken by women from 20 different countries.
Thailand
At an average of 10 minutes, sex in Thailand is believed to last the shortest amount of time in the world.
Greece
A Durex survey revealed that Greece is the horniest country in the world.
Brazil
According to The Penguin Atlas of Human Sexual Behaviour, sex lasts the longest in , at an average of 30 minutes.
Australia
Australian breasts are blooming lovely, with over 40 per cent of Australian women now buying bras with a cup size of DD or higher - some bra companies have introduced cup sizes as high as K to accommodate the busty Aussie girls.
Indonesia
Seven times a year on a holiday called 'Pon', Indonesians make a pilgrimage to a sacred mountain on Java to get down and dirty with a person other than their spouse - if they sleep with that same person seven times, they believe their wishes and blessings will come true.
India
When India's first phone-sex line went live, it became so popular that it was driving its users into debt - so the Indian government shut it down.
France
A Marie Claire survey found that 41 per cent of French people have participated in an orgy and 27 per cent have engaged in partner swapping. It is also believed that the French give and receive the most fellatio.
Japan
With a total of 500 people taking part, Japan has successfully set the world record for world's largest orgy. The Harajuku area of Tokyo is famous across the world for its fetish fashions - the most recent fetish-fashion craze to sweep the area is 'injured idol', where scantily clad women dress up in bandages.
Mykonos, Greece
Anything goes on this Greek island, which has been dubbed 'the world's adult playground'.
San Fernando Valley, California, USA
Nearly 90 per cent of all legally distributed pornographic films made in the United States are either filmed in or produced by studios based in the San Fernando Valley - aka "Porn Valley", "San Pornando Valley" or "Silicone Valley".
San Francisco, California, USA
This city is host to the World's largest showcase for S&M products and culture - the Folsom Street Fair.
Tel Aviv, Israel
This city is known as the 'brothel capital of the world', with an estimated 250 knocking shops.
Cap d'Agde, France
Unsurprisingly, France boasts the largest naturist resort in the world - the Cap d'Agde, whose 'Village Naturiste' is made up of a small town and a 2km beach.
Upminster, England
The residents of this suburban town are the kinkiest in England - they spend 7.9 times the national average on sex toys and DVDs to boost their sex lives.
---------------
DARTBOARD says "Could all this be the cause of global warming?"
Monday, March 8, 2010
THE DARTBOARD: If you have the right questions, the DARTBOARD has the right answers
DARTBOARD, I mean Dart. How are you?
Have you ever had strong feelings about animals?
What I mean is, and don’t take it the wrong way, lately there is something about my pet that makes me feel warm inside.
Do you know what I mean? Do you know the feeling?
When I stroke its belly, I see its lips move.
I think it (the pet) might be telling me something like “MORE! MORE! MORE!”
The eyes too – always watching me – blink at me as if my pet is telling me it shares the same feelings and urges that I am experiencing.
Do you think it will be soon that people like me will be allowed to marry their same-sex pet?
My fish (Goldie) and I will wait patiently for your answer.
Mike Rotch
-----------------
Well M.R.,
I’d like to answer your question but I have no aspirations of running for any political position or a doing a right wing highly-opinionated talk show.
* * *
Dear Dart,
I’m writing this on a postcard so I can impress people that I travel a lot.
That’s all.
Mia Azsmellz
--------------
Thank you Mia. Next time could you NOT write me in crayon. They might be toxic. Try writing in pencil (unless your doctor says that you should stay away from anything sharp).
***
Dear D.B.,
If the phone rings in the middle of the night should I answer it? And speaking of phones, how come in the phonebook, they put the last name first and the first name last? And why did they pick yellow to be the colour of the yellow pages?
Jerry Seinfeld
***
Dear Jerry,
Haven't you got better things to do than to ask me such stupid questions and come up with a the worst lame-ass prime time TV game show since the invention of gravity?
How’s Kramer?
* * * *
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Hurry up and contact OCTOMOM!! Breaking News: The PERFECT BABYSITTER has arrived!
As you might have guessed, reading blogs is an addiction THE DARTBOARD has a serious problem shaking. Before going to blog rehab, we found this in the GOTHAMIST:
MOM SAYS PLASTIC SURGEON GAVE HER FOUR BREASTS
A Staten Island mother has filed a $5 million lawsuit against a plastic surgeon who she claims botched her breast implant surgery, leaving her with a disfigured chest that ruined her marriage.
According to her attorney, surgery that was supposed to give 47-year-old Maria Alaimo 36 C cups resulted in painful "double-bubble" deformities, meaning she "came out of that operation with essentially four breasts."
According to the Staten Island Advance, Alaimo is suing Dr. Keith Berman, his staff, as well as medical websites that referred her to him. The paper notes that Alaimo paid $2,999 and $500 referral fee for the procedure in 2003, but her breasts now "appear flattened on the bottom with severe swells the size of a softball on top."
In court documents, Alaimo claims those disfigurements caused "pain ... disability, loss of self-esteem, humiliation and embarrassment." She also alleges the surgery lead to her divorce, because she wouldn't allow her husband to see her nude after the procedure.
According to her attorney, the surgeon didn't make "crucial" markings on the patient's chest before the surgery, though the doctor indicated he did on medical documents.
After the surgery, Alaimo underwent two corrective procedures—the first with the original doctor—and she purportedly suffered more scarring and "implants that slid downward, making her breasts appear even further deformed."
The doctor's attorney, Jerry Giardina, said Alaimo should have been more aware of the risks of plastic surgery before she went under the knife. "Plastic surgery is trivialized, but the reality is that plastic surgery is just that—surgery. There are no guarantees. What one person responds to, another does not."
* * *
MOM SAYS PLASTIC SURGEON GAVE HER FOUR BREASTS
A Staten Island mother has filed a $5 million lawsuit against a plastic surgeon who she claims botched her breast implant surgery, leaving her with a disfigured chest that ruined her marriage.
According to her attorney, surgery that was supposed to give 47-year-old Maria Alaimo 36 C cups resulted in painful "double-bubble" deformities, meaning she "came out of that operation with essentially four breasts."
According to the Staten Island Advance, Alaimo is suing Dr. Keith Berman, his staff, as well as medical websites that referred her to him. The paper notes that Alaimo paid $2,999 and $500 referral fee for the procedure in 2003, but her breasts now "appear flattened on the bottom with severe swells the size of a softball on top."
In court documents, Alaimo claims those disfigurements caused "pain ... disability, loss of self-esteem, humiliation and embarrassment." She also alleges the surgery lead to her divorce, because she wouldn't allow her husband to see her nude after the procedure.
According to her attorney, the surgeon didn't make "crucial" markings on the patient's chest before the surgery, though the doctor indicated he did on medical documents.
After the surgery, Alaimo underwent two corrective procedures—the first with the original doctor—and she purportedly suffered more scarring and "implants that slid downward, making her breasts appear even further deformed."
The doctor's attorney, Jerry Giardina, said Alaimo should have been more aware of the risks of plastic surgery before she went under the knife. "Plastic surgery is trivialized, but the reality is that plastic surgery is just that—surgery. There are no guarantees. What one person responds to, another does not."
* * *
Monday, March 1, 2010
WARNING Signs you need a new doctor
• He calls you at two in the morning "just to talk."
• Instead of rubber surgical gloves, he wears oven mitts.
• He is known to the other doctors as "the defendant."
• After examining you, he says, "Now your turn to do me."
• He sends you to the airport for x-rays.
• He keeps accidentally referring to your legs as "drumsticks."
• He calls you at two in the morning "just to talk."
• Instead of rubber surgical gloves, he wears oven mitts.
• He is known to the other doctors as "the defendant."
• After examining you, he says, "Now your turn to do me."
• He sends you to the airport for x-rays.
• He keeps accidentally referring to your legs as "drumsticks."
• He tries to colour your X-rays with crayons.
• His examination room is Room 69 at the No-Tell Motel.
• He tells you his anesthesiologist name is "Jim Beam."
• Before surgery, he asks if you want this "to work this time."
• When he says “my practice” he means “to practice”.
• He faints at the sight if blood.
• He asks you for your phone number after a physical exam
* * *
Sunday, February 28, 2010
CELEB SAID -- DART SAID
THE DARTBOARD CALL THEM AS WE THEM -- WHEN "SHUT-UP" IS NOT ENOUGH
“I’ve been waiting so long to hug my grandchildren.”
Jon Voight
DART SAYS: Careful no inappropriate touching grandpa! It’s illegal in some states.
“I cultivated a real relationship with him the last 2 years of his life. It was the coolest thing. I would have tea with him- sometimes once a week, sometimes twice a week.”
Paula Abdul (about Simon Cowell)
DART SAYS: And some people cultivate wheat, corn, or rice.
“I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems.”
Elton John
DART SAYS: Is that what BENNY AND THE JETS was all about?
"I am thrilled to be on this show and to be part of a program that educates teens and young adults about the consequences of teen pregnancy,"
Bristol Palin
DART SAYS: And could she teach us about hunting polar bears and snow-shoeing in next 25 minutes?
"Mind-altering substances are so dangerous. If I can teach others, especially teens, by sharing my experiences, then that's what I will continue to do."
Lindsay Lohan
DART SAYS: Why not open a school with Bristol?
“Sometimes I find my head spinning. Not because of alcohol, but because of my life.”
Lady Gaga
DART SAYS: we think it’s more likely those stupid hats you wear pressing down on your skull.
“I broke no regulation, offered no 'safety risk' (what, was I gonna roll on a fellow passenger?) I saw someone bigger than me on THAT flight.”
Kevin Smith
DART SAYS: Isn’t that the underwear bomber’s defence?
“I don't think I've ever liked having sex with someone more than two years!”
Jenny McCarthy
DART SAYS: WOW! Congrats! For some people more than 20 minutes with eyes closed is a major accomplishment.”
“Some people eat, some people drink -- but I Pledge everything.”
Johnny Weir (figure skater)
DART SAYS: Something tells us he’s not talking about polishing furniture, buy maybe he is.
“I really hate vaginas. I'm allergic to vaginas.”
Robert Pattinson
DART SAYS: Smart guy, you’ll save lots of cash on condoms and mouthwash.
“No one believes me when I talk about this, but I'm really, really maternal.”
Megan Fox
DART SAYS: Make us believers – show us the breast-feeding pics.
“I didn't get them as big as I originally wanted.”
Heidi Montag
DART SAYS: BRAINS – right?
“Look, if I have to wear a trash bag I'll belt it with rhinestones and I'll make it work.”
Sandra Bullock
DART SAYS: It works for Amy Winehouse, right?
“I’ve been waiting so long to hug my grandchildren.”
Jon Voight
DART SAYS: Careful no inappropriate touching grandpa! It’s illegal in some states.
“I cultivated a real relationship with him the last 2 years of his life. It was the coolest thing. I would have tea with him- sometimes once a week, sometimes twice a week.”
Paula Abdul (about Simon Cowell)
DART SAYS: And some people cultivate wheat, corn, or rice.
“I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems.”
Elton John
DART SAYS: Is that what BENNY AND THE JETS was all about?
"I am thrilled to be on this show and to be part of a program that educates teens and young adults about the consequences of teen pregnancy,"
Bristol Palin
DART SAYS: And could she teach us about hunting polar bears and snow-shoeing in next 25 minutes?
"Mind-altering substances are so dangerous. If I can teach others, especially teens, by sharing my experiences, then that's what I will continue to do."
Lindsay Lohan
DART SAYS: Why not open a school with Bristol?
“Sometimes I find my head spinning. Not because of alcohol, but because of my life.”
Lady Gaga
DART SAYS: we think it’s more likely those stupid hats you wear pressing down on your skull.
“I broke no regulation, offered no 'safety risk' (what, was I gonna roll on a fellow passenger?) I saw someone bigger than me on THAT flight.”
Kevin Smith
DART SAYS: Isn’t that the underwear bomber’s defence?
“I don't think I've ever liked having sex with someone more than two years!”
Jenny McCarthy
DART SAYS: WOW! Congrats! For some people more than 20 minutes with eyes closed is a major accomplishment.”
“Some people eat, some people drink -- but I Pledge everything.”
Johnny Weir (figure skater)
DART SAYS: Something tells us he’s not talking about polishing furniture, buy maybe he is.
“I really hate vaginas. I'm allergic to vaginas.”
Robert Pattinson
DART SAYS: Smart guy, you’ll save lots of cash on condoms and mouthwash.
“No one believes me when I talk about this, but I'm really, really maternal.”
Megan Fox
DART SAYS: Make us believers – show us the breast-feeding pics.
“I didn't get them as big as I originally wanted.”
Heidi Montag
DART SAYS: BRAINS – right?
“Look, if I have to wear a trash bag I'll belt it with rhinestones and I'll make it work.”
Sandra Bullock
DART SAYS: It works for Amy Winehouse, right?
Friday, February 26, 2010
CANADA eh! (BURP) ...where girls can be hosers, thus entitled to COLD ONES from MOLSON. Pass 'em some brewskees!
"It is not what we want to see," Gilbert Felli the executive director of the International Olympic Committee told AP. "I don't think it's a good promotion of sport values. If they celebrate in the changing room, that's one thing, but not in public."
(BELCH)
"OH CAN-A-DA, WE STAND ON GUARD FOR THEE!" (dartboard)
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
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