NEW WORDS

ANAGRAM --> a type of word play, the result of rearranging the letters of a word or phrase to produce a new word or phrase, using all the original letters exactly once.

Jerry Lewis
Jewelry, Sir

Tom Cruise
I'm So Cuter

Kim Kardashian
I Am a Kind Shark

John Mayer
Enjoy Harm

Sandra Bullock
Skull and Cobra


Arnold Schwarzenegger
He's Grown Large 'n' Crazed

Beyonce Knowles
Woken Obscenely

Justin Timberlake
I'm a Jerk, But Listen

James Cameron
Major Menaces

Bob Dylan
Bald, Bony

Robin Williams
I Warm Billions

Mel Gibson
Big Melons

Clint Eastwood
Old West Action

Jerry Seinfeld
Friendly Jeers

Tiger Woods
Got Weirdos

Kirstie Alley
Likes Reality

Britney Spears
Presbyterians

Conan O'Brien
Inane Bronco


Howard Stern
Wonder Trash

Woody Allen
A Lewd Loony

Jennifer Aniston
Fine in Torn Jeans

Sylvester Stallone
Slovenly Steel Star

Paul McCartney
Pay Mr. Clean-Cut

Heidi Montag
Imagined Hot

George Clooney
Cool Energy, Ego

David Letterman
Nerd Amid Late TV

Sarah Palin
A Plain Rash



Leonard Nimoy
I'm Only a Drone

Drew Barrymore
Merry Wardrobe

Madonna Louise Ciccone
One Cool Dance Musician


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"ASK me no questions & I'll tell you no lies!"

If we believe everything we see in the movies (especially documentary ones), Madonna has a secret son who’s older than her last boyfriend. Madge supposedly gave birth in to the tot in 1973 -- at the age of 15.

The trailer for the movie appropriately called MATERIAL BOY calls the revelation

“the best ever kept secret in the history of pop music”.

+ + +

What’s next?

“Michael Jackson was gay”.

+ + +

DART did some research and found out some clues to why this MADONNA rumor may in fact be true and some facts about her abandoned boy-child.

 Madonna did have an early hit single with “Like A Virgin”.

 The son has the initials J.C. and his father’s name was Joe.

 He has 12 friends that follow him around and with whom he dines with regularly on fridays.

 J.C.'s favorite piece of clothing is his toga.

 His favorite shoes are sandals.

 He is very polite always saying “Bless you”.

 The Beatles (who we trust not to lie) wrote “Lady Madonna, children at your feet” before she had any legitimate ones.

 There is no birth date on his driver’s license and he gets double gifts for Christmas.


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on the tube

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Call her THE LADY WITH THE BALLS >> PSYCHIC KIKI

The LADY that possesses something all others can only wish for is here again, showing her made of crystal prizes as she always does.

Not shy, she tells what you want to know AND things you don’t. With just a little touch, here’s what she sees looking at them today:

 Tyra Banks will have a male child and name it Sperm.

 Florida will break away from the USA to be its own country and name Disneyworld as its capital city.

 Laverne & Shirley, Thelma and Louise, will both admit to being lesbians.

 Oprah will sing Opera.

 Sesame Street’s Big Bird will donate her body to a starving African family.

 Scientists will develop a pill to stop farts from smelling.

 Sarah Palin will go back to school and get her high school diploma.

 The Pony Express will return for environmental reasons.

 The Pope will be caught text messaging the Bible to the world causing cell phones internationally to explode.

 President Obama will spray-paint “B.O. WAS HERE “ on the Great Wall of China.

 The first brain transplant will happen in Alaska to an unidentified midddle-aged woman – results of whether it was a success or not will not be revealed until the publication of her next book.

 Men will no longer have to cough during physical examinations.

 Toasters will be found to cause extreme global warming causing them to be outlawed and banned.

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THE DARTBOARD INTERVIEW: Lindsay Lohan

DARTBOARD: Welcome to MY DARTBOARD Lindsay.

LINDSAY LOHAN: Thank you very much. It’s nice to be here. Sorry, where am I? Do you have any free stuff?

D.B. -- Sorry LiLo this isn’t a clothes store or a nightclub. Maybe a Kleenex, for your cold – you keep sniffling

LiLo -- No, not a cold. I mean ya, that’s it, it’s a cold, a cold yes.

D.B. -- I notice there is some white powder around your…

LiLo -- Oh that’s just cold medicine, that’s it, cold medicine.

D.B. -- If you say so.

LiLo -- If you thought it was something else – no way.I went to rehab remember. A few years ago. I think? I don’t do that anymore. Do you have any straws I can take home?

D.B. -- Let’s change the subject. We haven’t seen any movies from you in awhile – can we expect something soon?

LiLo -- Expecting me – who do you think I am that slut Spears. No expecting here! I practice safe sex. You know what they say ”practice, practice, practice”.

D.B. -- Just to clear things up for our readers - are you really bi-sexual?

LiLo -- Everything I buy is sexual yes.

D.B. -- Back to movies, I meant. Will we be seeing any of yours from you soon.

LiLo -- No way. Unless you break into my bedroom and take-off with my camcorder.

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

LiLo -- Excuse me, it might be my mom or dad… Aha. Aha. Aha. Damn it! I’m going to fire my agent.

D.B. -- I didn’t know you had an entertainment agent.

LiLo -- I don’t. That was my real estate agent. He keeps putting FOR SALE signs in front of my house because I never sleep there.

D.B. -- So, where do you sleep?

LiLo -- I sleep around.

D.B. -- Sleep around – tell us something we don’t know.

LiLo -- Alright. Did you know when it’s midnight here in Los Angeles, it’s a different time in China.

D.B. -- Yes ,we all knew that.

LiLo -- Damn it. I came out here to talk about my doll.

D.B. -- You mean YOUR x-doll Sam Ronson? I really wouldn’t call her a doll.

LiLo -- No, no, no, my plastic one, my action figure.

D.B. -- Action. Plastic. So appropriate. And so cute. I can see the resemblance.



LiLo -- Yeah, and it’s SO fitting and it looks just like me. I posed for it. I'm a good model, y'know.

D.B. -- Not for children. (clears throat)
Speaking of looks, you’re looking kind of thin – are you on some kind of diet?

LiLo -- No way, no diet. I eat at least a dozen donuts a day.

D.B. -- Do you prefer Tasty Cream or Dunkin’ Donuts?

LiLo -- No, no, you know those little ones. Cheerios.

D.B. -- Ok. Lindsay Lohan.

LiLo -- Yes.

D.B. -- Good-bye.

***

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psychikiki -- A SEER WITH REAL BALLS

Nobody spends their time staring at their balls as she does.

How they work has been a mystery for scientists for decades (at least one). Debunkers, nay-sayers, skeptics, cynics, headshakers, disbelievers, all are amazed with her big balls and what she sees when looking at them.

 A bowling alley in New Jersey will sue the NFL for copyright infringement for using the name Super Bowl.

 After being stuck in pre-puberty forever, Mickey Mouse voice will finally change.

 Katy Perry next hit single will be” I kissed a dog and I liked it”.

 Paris Hilton will move to France and open a high-priced hotel a few blocks away from the Eiffel Tower.

 The North Pole will close on weekends due to global warming.

 The Russian government will encourage its population to shorten their names so that the rest of the world can pronounce them.

 Zoologists will find Bambi and Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer to be related.

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KHLOE K. -- what are you trying to say?

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ya ya ya TIGER sings BEATLES

 “I'll buy you a diamond ring my friend,
If it makes you feel alright,
I'll get you anything my friend,
If it makes you feel alright,
'Cause I don't care too much for money,
Money can't buy me love.”


 “I told that girl that my prospects were good,
She said, baby it's understood,
Working for peanuts is all very fine,
But I can show you a better time.
Baby, you can drive my car, yes I'm gonna be a star”


 “The long and winding road that leads to your door,
Will never disappear, I've seen that road before”


 “You keep all your money in a big brown bag inside the zoo
What a thing to do
Baby you're a rich man
Baby you're a rich man
Baby you're a rich man too”


 “The world is treating me bad, misery.
I'm the kind of guy who never used to cry.
The world is treating me bad, misery.
I've lost her now for sure,
I won't see her no more,
It's gonna be a drag misery”


 “Woke up, fell out of bed,
Dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup,
And looking up I noticed I was late”

 “Come on take it easy.
Take it easy take it easy.
Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my monkey”


 “Why don't we do it in the road?
No one will be watching us.
Why don't we do it in the road?”

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HIGHER RATINGS --- YES!

When JAY LENO moved his show from late night to prime time, he promised the new spot would show us stuff he never did on his previous program. Tell us (show us) more!

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The Top Pop Songs of the Decade (with more than a few mean darts from me)

With the Time Square Ball soon to drop, it will not only be the end of the year, but also the end of the decade. With lists abounding everywhere here are some darts from us on the top ten picks from Popeater’s list.


10. 'Crazy,' Gnarls Barkley (2006)

Oh yeah, with a name like Gnarls (said with silent 'G' I think), who would of thought your song would be called CRAZY. What’s the next one? 'Nuts?', 'Mental?', 'Committed?'. Good Gluck!


9. 'Cry Me a River,' Justin Timberlake (2002)

Please, please, please do it! I’m tired of your SNL appearances singing dirty songs that don’t sound dirty but are, thus you get away with it. speaking of rip-offs, do you think we forgot what you did to Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl!


8. 'Hollaback Girl,' Gwen Stefani (2005)

For someone who’s name that sounds like an item on the Italian restaurant menu item, do we honestly need some girl singing/screaming how to spell banana - 'B A N A N A'. QUICK, someone call Sesame Street and holla "Hire this girl!”.


7. 'Take Me Out,' Franz Ferdinand (2004)

Franz -- Mike Tyson, Mike Tyson – Franz Ferdinand., Now F.F., tell M.T. what the name of your song is? Sounds like a hit to me!


6. 'Umbrella,' Rihanna (2007)

It’s raining, It’s pouring. Am I the only one that’s snoring?


5. 'Can't Get You Out of My Head,' Kylie Minogue (2001)

Have you seen A shrink? Talking about could help. If not put an ad on Craig’s List and find someone else.


4. 'Yeah!,' Usher (2004)

I could say "I WAS AN USHER AT USHER’S WEDDING" but that would be cheap comedy – cheap - like the name of this song. Can hardly wait for 'NO!', 'MAYBE?', and 'NOT SURE!'.


3. 'Since You've Been Gone,' Kelly Clarkson (2005)

“I’ve been very happy – thank you very much – and you? Are you still eating too much and denying it?”


2. 'Toxic,' Britney Spears (2004)

'Toxic' or 'talk sick' or more like 'sick talk'? All have secret meaning to the pop-tart whose initials have no secret meaning -- B. S. .


1. 'Hey Ya!,' OutKast (2003)

Isn’t that what you say when someone reminds you of something then you magically remember that you knew it. In this case, isn’t your name spelled with a “c” not a “K”? Oh Yeah!

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