MADONNA, rumours abound that you now have started wearing panties -- THE DARTBOARD wants to know why is that?

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Renée Zellweger -- what are you THINKING?

 “It was on sale at WALMART, why?.”

 “Golden Globes right, what do you think of my set of globes?”

 “Next time I’ll go to a real hairdresser.”

 “Never mind, what are YOU wearing?”

 “Do you have any mints, I might have to kiss someone.”

 “Hey I’m available! I have any extra ticket and no date.”

 “Is Lady Gaga here?”

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making asses of themselves

You probably won't see this on Entertainment Tonight.

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Hey Jenn, how are the men?

Poor Jennifer A., the girl FRIEND next door
So sweet, so pretty, never call her a whore.

She had her dream man, his name was Brad.
It’s all over now, we’re so so so sad!

As a couple, you failed to put marriage to the test,
We all know what’s to blame -- Angelina’s big chest

She took away your cutie sexy Pitt.
That bitch, that useless piece of shit!



Don’t worry girl, they’re other guys for you, there is no question,
You’re doing better that loser FRIEND JOEY, just a helpful suggestion.

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KHLOE K. -- what are you trying to say?

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ya ya ya TIGER sings BEATLES

 “I'll buy you a diamond ring my friend,
If it makes you feel alright,
I'll get you anything my friend,
If it makes you feel alright,
'Cause I don't care too much for money,
Money can't buy me love.”


 “I told that girl that my prospects were good,
She said, baby it's understood,
Working for peanuts is all very fine,
But I can show you a better time.
Baby, you can drive my car, yes I'm gonna be a star”


 “The long and winding road that leads to your door,
Will never disappear, I've seen that road before”


 “You keep all your money in a big brown bag inside the zoo
What a thing to do
Baby you're a rich man
Baby you're a rich man
Baby you're a rich man too”


 “The world is treating me bad, misery.
I'm the kind of guy who never used to cry.
The world is treating me bad, misery.
I've lost her now for sure,
I won't see her no more,
It's gonna be a drag misery”


 “Woke up, fell out of bed,
Dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup,
And looking up I noticed I was late”

 “Come on take it easy.
Take it easy take it easy.
Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my monkey”


 “Why don't we do it in the road?
No one will be watching us.
Why don't we do it in the road?”

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REASONS Tiger Woods cheated on his wife

> Argued why would it be too much for her to go to City Hall to get her name spelt properly to Ellen.

> He preferred four-somes with the boys than three-somes with girls.

> She sold their White House dinner invitations to another couple.

> She didn't let him putt in the hallway.

> She kept calling their son "boy".

> Obviously he's gay or blind.

> She forced him to see TWILIGHT and NEW MOON more than once.




> Figured the only way he could meet Judge Judy was in court.

> It would give him more time for driving lessons -- realizing a car is more complicated than a golf cart.

> It's easier to count money when your alone.

> Could now stay up to watch JAY LENO at ten.

> A fortune cookie told him Confucius said he should.

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NUDE IS NEVER RUDE -- read on

From one of our favorite newspapers Englands's THE SUN, here's a story we didn't have to edit:


POP star RIHANNA has confirmed rumors her pool guy HAS seen her naked.
The Barbados-born beauty said she likes to walk round in the buff - and forgets when the handyman is on duty.

Chatting to US radio, she said: "Oh my God! These are all true rumors.

"I don't like, flaunt my stuff to him. He comes one day a week.

"I just have no idea what day it is ever, so I never remember what day he comes and I'm always just walking around my house."

She added: "I'm never in LA so when I come, I'm not thinking, 'There's a pool guy that's going to come.'

"I'm come in, go to the refrigerator, grab a bottle of coconut water and then I turn around and it's like, frozen. Freeze."



Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/usa/2755166/Rihanna-confirms-rumours-her-pool-man-has-seen-her-naked-are-true.html?#EMC-Bltn#ixzz0YZVDbXJA




HMMMMMM, she looks horny to DART!

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BUSTED: SOMEBODY'S FIBBING

LISA ANN, the X-rated star of WHO'S NAILIN' PALIN?, tells she started seeing ROB KARDASHIAN, (a former model seen in several episodes of Keeping Up With The Kardashians) after meeting him at an LA gym around the time of his sister KLHOE's wedding in September.

"He treats me like his little teacher and we have a fun sexual relationship that is simple and carefree." She squeals.

Friends of Rob’s say she's using Rob to attract publicity.

One friend saying: "Lisa Ann did meet Rob, but that's it. Never hooked up. She wants a bit of fame right now. Rob is laughing it off!"

* * * * *

HMMM? X-rated porn star and ex-model – who’d of thunk it?

* * * * *

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SEX TAPES FROM CELEBRITIES YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO SEE (honest)

Seems like everybody these days has a sex tape. I don't -- but that's irrelevant. But there are some we just don't want to see. If you're thinking Paris Hilton -- TOO LATE! But before others get on the show-all bandwagon, here's some titles that should be on the banned-wagon.

 Al Pacino No-No’s
 Dick In Jane Fonda
 Hardy Har-Monica Lewinsky
 Kelly Aw, Aw, Aw, Osborne
 Let’s Ring Around Rosie Oh, Oh, Oh, O’Donnell
 My Big Fat Greek Woody Allen
 Peter Falk Me
 Really Big Dick Van Dyke
 The Devil In Ms Joan Rivers
 Yoko Oh-NO!

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IS RHIANNA JOINING THE WWE? RUN Chris RUN

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No pussys for Mariah!!

Mariah Carey's recently requested to have 20 (not 10) white (not black) kittens at a Christmas lights switch-on in England has been blocked.

(TELL ME WHY!)

The diva of divas reportedly wanted the young meow-ers and 100 white doves (birds not the soaps) to accompany her at the extravagant switch-on ceremony at shopping centre in west London.

Also she requested to be showered with butterfly-shaped confetti - her favorite insect (not moths?) while standing on a pink podium and waving a magic wand (batteries not included).

The singer arrived in a Rolls-Royce and was accompanied by 80 security guards as well as her 15-strong entourage (she has friends?).

But while most of her demands were met, health and safety officials refused her request to have kittens and doves - because animals are not allowed inside the complex.

"We did manage to source the doves that we were going to release into the sky, but the kittens proved terribly difficult." was the official statement.

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MAYBE SHE COULD HAVE SPENT A MINUTE SHOPPING FOR A CHEAP BRA -- LIKE SHE CAN'T AFFORD ONE!

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Hef said it - so it must be true!

"What is the closest I've come to death? There was a moment when I was having sex with four Playmates and I almost swallowed a Ben Wa ball."


IN OTHER NEWS: Former live-in-sleepover-buddy Mensa drop-out Kendra has not yet explained how she swallowed a basketball without choking.

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TODAY'S DART: Don't mess with the Lohan!

From WENN.COM -- Lindsay Lohan has come under fire from bosses at an exclusive U.S. boutique - after she allegedly demanded $15,000 in free gifts despite failing to properly promote her in-store leggings range.

Reports surfaced earlier this month that the Mean Girls actress was fuming after a store assistant at Los Angeles' Kitson refused to allow her to go on a hefty spree without charge.

And bosses at the retail outfit aren't letting the tantrum go without punishment - they have slammed the star for her demanding ways, and insist she should be grateful they are still stocking her 6126 leggings range.

A spokesperson for Kitson tells Fox News, "We're actually really offended. The tables have turned and now we're the customer.

"We spent $50,000 on her leggings line, but she hasn't come to the store in three years, and she didn't even do a personal appearance.

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today's #1 target: LINDSAY LO-HANDED

If recent reports of Lindsay Lohan's bar behavior are true, the 'Mean Girls' star is in need of an emergency reality check (AND A CREDIT CARD). According to PEOPLE, a Los Angeles bar has claimed that Lohan drank her way through two bottles of champagne (PROVING REHAB WORKS, CHEERS!!), but flipped out when it came time to pay the bill. "When the bartender gave her a bill, she had a meltdown," an onlooker(ONLOOKERS DON'T LIE!) told the magazine. "She was yelling at him and screaming profanities at everyone."



The source (SOURCES DON'T LIE!) continued, "The bar insisted she pay, so she had to call a friend with her credit-card information."

The actress reportedly left the Crown Bar at 2:30am. The witness claimed, "She was crying and wanted to go home. She kept saying 'I don't pay for drinks! This is ridiculous! I'm freaking out!'"

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today's #2 target: Amy WHOREhouse

OOPS SHE DID IT AGAIN!! Amy Winehouse (REMEMBER HER?) had quite a coming out (OUT OF WHERE?) party at the British Q Awards -- showing the world (?) her new boob job.(I THOUGHT SHE WAS A BOOB JOB?) British tabloid headlines read "Amy's Boob Boob"(UK's Sun) and "Amy Winehouse 'accidentally'(YA RIGHT!) spills out of her top" (Daily Mail) after onlookers were given an eyeful when her new 32D chest slipped out of her corset when she left the event. (I'D GIVE HER A "D" MARK FOR HER CHEST TOO!)

*** NOTE TO A.W. -- DON'T THINK PLAYBOY WILL BE CALLING TOO SOON -- MAYBE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC MIGHT WANT TO GIVE ER A PEEK.

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