Some Titles for December

 A CHRISTMAS CAROL BURNETT

 BABES IN JOYLAND

 I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRIS ROCK

 OH COME ALL YOU FAITH HILL

 RUDOLPH THE RED KNOWS RAIN, DEAR

 THE POLAR FEDEX

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No pussys for Mariah!!

Mariah Carey's recently requested to have 20 (not 10) white (not black) kittens at a Christmas lights switch-on in England has been blocked.

(TELL ME WHY!)

The diva of divas reportedly wanted the young meow-ers and 100 white doves (birds not the soaps) to accompany her at the extravagant switch-on ceremony at shopping centre in west London.

Also she requested to be showered with butterfly-shaped confetti - her favorite insect (not moths?) while standing on a pink podium and waving a magic wand (batteries not included).

The singer arrived in a Rolls-Royce and was accompanied by 80 security guards as well as her 15-strong entourage (she has friends?).

But while most of her demands were met, health and safety officials refused her request to have kittens and doves - because animals are not allowed inside the complex.

"We did manage to source the doves that we were going to release into the sky, but the kittens proved terribly difficult." was the official statement.

* * *

MAYBE SHE COULD HAVE SPENT A MINUTE SHOPPING FOR A CHEAP BRA -- LIKE SHE CAN'T AFFORD ONE!

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Heavenly Toast

JUST IN TIME for the holidays -- your chance

to wake up with the original Madonna. You will gladly jump out of bed early to her on your holy-days and every day after that. Your prayers will be finally be answered and it will only cost you around five bucks* -- that's less what you drop in two weeks in your church collection plate.

A great investment.

Just think of the $$$ you can charge lost souls and pilgrims to see and touch your breakfast creations. God may work in wondrous ways but now it's your turn to break bread and work it.

AMEN!

* bread and toaster not included

WARNING: burnt toast can mean you're toast!!

+ + +

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XXX-MAS TREATS AND PORNAMENTS

With Christmas just around the corner, especially my corner, you won’t find these in any catalogue – unless it’s published buy Hustler.



White Snow Candy.
Illegal in most states and provinces.
Made in Columbia. (straw not included)

Three Wiseman And a Virgin (xxxvideo).
Mary and the guys under the stars.
They come from the east.

S & M Holiday Punch.
You can beat it!

Red Condoms.
Yule not be sorry.

Naughty Santa.
This jolly fellow touches his North Pole
after some fun with some ho, ho, ho’s.

Mistletoe Underwear.
Make that holiday kiss something special.

Lance the Smiling Gay Snowman.
Why? He just saw the snowblower
coming down his street.

Fireplace Stockings.
Available in crotchless or fishnet.

EverReady Vibrator.
It keeps going and going and going and…

Egg Snog.
(Only available in England)

Dick the Oversexed Snowman.
Why? Look at his snowballs.

Christmas Bush.
See under Christmas undies.

Candy Cane Undies.
So wearable and so edible.



SEASONS GREETINGS
And remember to
COME ALL YE FAITHFUL

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