THE DARTBOARD (special edition): If you have the right questions -- we have the right answers

*** A SPECIAL GAY QUESTIONS EDITION



Hey Dart,

Where have you been?

I MISS YOU.

How are you? Not that I know you, or that I’ve ever met you, so why should I , or should you, care about all that.

My question today, today being Wednesday, (don’t know what time or day it is where you are?) is simple. I hope you're answer is simple cause I am told I am a simple girl.

My boyfriend (yes, I’m dating) likes flat-chested girls who don’t wear dresses.

Is he gay?

Billie-Jean Iznotmychild
Jacksonville

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Well B-J.,

I assume if he’s dating you, if he wasn’t gay before he met you, he is now.

+ + +

D-d-d-dart!

I wish I could tell you how hard it is writing to you, but if I did I would probably be arrested again and put away in a place where once again forced to shower with sweaty men bigger than me.

But I digress.

My current squeeze, Lance, confided in me recently that his previous lover gave him crabs. As you can imagine, this upset me greatly.

So, should I try to outdo and better his ex by treating Lance to lobster at RED LOBSTER or some other seafood joint? If it matters RED LOBSTER is currently celebrating LOBSTERFEST.


O. Henry
Not Hershey, PA

- - -

O.H.,

Is Lance’s last name A-lot? Just checking. Are there nuts in Hershey? Just checking?

+ + +

Hello D.B.,

Knowing you know everything, and I know nothing, I have a simple question.

If you don’t know already, I’m, aw shucks, let me say it like it is, I’m homophobic.

Do you know if there are any states, or countries, I could move to and settle there, with my family and our dogs, where being gay is illegal and instead of having GAY PRIDE they celebrate GAY HIDE.

Sarah Palin
The State of Confusion, (Alaska)

- - -

Hey, ex-Gov.,

Or do you prefer losing V.P. candidate?

Why didn’t you not think of this earlier? I’m sure this exit would make many people very, very happy.

But before you start to pack and googling TRAVELOCITY, maybe think of staying put. If your slutty tramp daughter turns lesbian, the worry of another cheap wreckless unwanted pregnancy would disappear.

Aren’t there enough crying Palins already?


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