THE original ROAMIN' CATHOLIC

From the folks that gave you the POPE-MOBILE, and the comedy-musical dinner theater favorite THE LAST SUPPER (ha, ha -- where nobody left a tip), the lowdown of who some called Jesus (pronounced GEE-ZAS), while others call him Jesus (pronounced HAY-ZEUS), and while others (not many) called him the King of Pop (so wrong) -- but who we all know better as the name we all scream when we hit our thumb with a hammer.

There are many mysteries around this individual. One thing is clear, and all agree, is if he were alive today, he would be over 2,000 years old.

What is not clear is who this person was. Being that it was before John Lennon, internet, MTV and 60 Minutes, the many proofs are as different as are hamburger toppings.



From the Vatican (where the POPE lives), it’s now Saturday night, and here’s some of their newly released (sometimes shocking and irrelevant) findings:


3 proofs that JESUS was Black:

1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He didn't get a fair trial.

3 proofs that JESUS was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. His Mother was sure He was God.

3 proofs that JESUS was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with all His meals.
3. He used olive oil.

3 proofs that JESUS was a Californian:

1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

3 proofs that JESUS was an Native American:

1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.

3 proofs that JESUS was Irish:

1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the MOST compelling proof is that JESUS was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do.


AMEN
(errrr, AWOMEN)

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