THE DARTBOARD INTERVEW: Today's target - Ellen DeGeneres

D.B. -- Welcome to THE DARTBOARD, Ellen.

ELLEN -- Thank you, is it my turn?

D.B. -- Not a pub game, THE DARTBOARD is an internet site.




ELLEN -- Is it gay porn? I love gay porn.

D.B. -- Sorry. Not really. Do you mind answering for us and our many readers a few questions today?

ELLEN -- Shoot! And shoot me with all your queries – ha, ha, ha, that’s a joke. Get it? QUEER – EES!

D.B. -- Seriously, why did you decide to come out of the closet when you did a few years ago.

ELLEN -- It was dark and I kept bumping into hangers and scratching my head. Not attractive. The worst part was it smelled like moths, specifically moth balls. You know what male moths have between their little moth legs.? Get that one! Ha ha ha! I'm just so full of jokes.

D.B. -- Yes, full of it - can I ask you a fashion question?

ELLEN -- Is it a query? Ha ha, I'm on a roll. I can’t stop. Hit me!

D.B. -- Okay.

ELLEN -- Ouch, my arm. That hurt. What’s the question?

D.B. -- Do you ever wear any dresses and high heels?

ELLEN -- Just to bed, when it’s my turn.

D.B. -- Have you ever had long hair?

ELLEN -- Just on my legs.

D.B. -- Let’s change the subject…

ELLEN -- I’m not changing into a dress if that’s what you’re hinting.

D.B. -- Not. Okay, now that you’re the new judge on AMERICAN IDOL, are you looking forward to sitting next to Simon?

ELLEN -- Looking forward to it… hell ya, she’s one of my favorite woman singers. My all-time favorite song has always been “You’re So Vain”.

D.B. -- No, no, no, Simon Cowell. You’re thinking of Carly Simon.

ELLEN -- Ahhhhhhhh, yessssss I am, Not a secret anymore, I’m always thinking of her -- all the time -- mmmmmmm mmmmm.

D.B. -- Well, that's so interesting, but I'm afraid we're out of the space. Thank you for sharing your life and joining us here. It’s been a real treat and pleasure to talk to you, the second most funniest lesbian comedienne in all the world.

ELLEN -- Second? What? Who’s first?

D.B. -- Rosie O’Donnell, that’s obvious.

ELLEN -- NO! It’s not obvious. It’s obvious that I am.

D.B. -- No it’s Rosie.

ELLEN -- ME!

D.B. -- No ROSIE!

ELLEN -- NO IT”S ME ME ME ME ME!

D.B. -- ROSIE ROSIE ROSIE ROSIE ROSIE!

ELLEN -- GOOD-BYE!

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