THE DARTBOARD: Dart answers all your questions

Dear D.B.,
Just curious – but did you know if you read you name (D.B.), it sounds a like the girl's name Debbie. Isn’t that creepy?

I.M. Nutz

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Dear I.M.,
what is more creepy than that is your initials (I.M.) don’t tell me, or anybody else that cares, that if you’re male or female. D.B., (I'm trying to sound and act like a Debbie would) a good idea is maybe you should get that fixed before you ever write here ever again.

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Dear Dart,
Hope you can help!!! My problem is food. My problem is eating. My problem is not eating any food. I love to cook but anything that comes off the stove never goes in my mouth. I go into Burger King and even the Whopper never even comes close to my lips. Same with McDonalds. I tried going vegetarian because I thought it would be less not to eat but that didn’t work. I just don’t what to do. My doctor tried to help me by giving me a prescription for donuts. I lied and told him I was a muffin person. He told me to “get stuffed”.

I know that you can give me the honesr advice that I need right now. I believe in your words. You and the tooth fairy are the only things that’s the real thing.

Please answer soon – my job as a lap dancer is on the line.

Luv ya,

Robin Graves

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Robin,

Okay, listen careful. So you don’t forget, maybe you should write this down. I’ll wait till you get a pen. La la la.

Ready? Good.

Now first thing to do is when you wake up in the morning, get out of bed, go to the kitchen, and eat a BIG bowl of bran flakes. If you don’t have any, get some raisin bran and pick out all the raisins, then eat what’s left in the box. Repeat at lunch. Then again at supper and again before bed.

If you wake-up in the night, run to the kitchen and have another BIG bowl. I guarantee by the following morning all your problems will be behind you.

If you’re wondering, I won’t be doing the same because honestly, I don’t give a crap!!

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Hey Dartboard,

I saw Brad Pitt and Angela Jolie on my TV last night.

Cy Koe

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Did you try to push them off?

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