what's WRONG with is picture?

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How you can tell your boss (or husband, wife, favorite politician, golf pro, etc.) is a dirty cheating scumbag

* Instead of papers on his desk is a mattress.

* He answers his cellphone in a whisper when you’re close by.

* He advertises for new help on Craig’s List and does interviews by candelight wine and music, after hours.

* He changes his clothes when he leaves for lunch then changes them back when he gets back.

* He knows all the nearby hotels, their room rates, and the name of the maid on the 10th floor.

* His Facebook picture is a body part of his.

* If you ask him if he talks to his wife after sex, he tells you “Yes, if there is a phone nearby.”

* He goes to a convention in Las Vegas on every weekend.

* For office parties he uses blow-up condoms instead of balloons

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the dartboard interview: Kim Kardasian

dartboard: We’re just waiting for our guest Kim Kardasian to arrive. Oh, here she is...

Kim: So sorry I’m late. I feel like such an ass. I got rear-ended.

dartboard: A car accident?

Kim: What else?

dartboard: Sorry, just trying to made a bad crack.

Kim: Oh my! You mean my pants are too tight again?

dartboard: Never mind -- have a seat.

Kim: I know I do.

dartboard: By the way, how are things going with your man Reggie Bush?

Kim: Mmmmm I love Bush.

dartboard: Really. We didn’t know that.

Kim: Are you trying to make a bad crack about my favorite number one?

dartboard: No. Maybe. Everybody knows that Reggie is your favorite number two. By the way during football season and Reggie’s away playing ball, what do you do to keep busy?

Kim: Oh, I think of him day and night, night and day, while sucking on cucumbers and bananas.

dartboard: Too much information. Do you play football?

Kim: I’ve always like being a tight end.

dartboard: Tell us more, do you play in bed?

Kim: Reggie is really good at getting turn-overs and is really good at playing in the end zone, but

dartboard: Butt?

Kim: But, but, I prefer baseball. I love being the catcher.

dartboard: Won’t get there either.

Kim: Sorry, but really got to be going. I’m running behind, big time.

dartboard: What’s up?

Kim: I’m having a barbeque.

dartboard: Thought you were vegetarian?

Kim: I am -- I don’t cook hamburgers but people love my buns.

dartboard: And so do we.

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THE DARTBOARD: where all your questions get all the right answers

HEY Dart,

Hope you can read this, my typing really sucks. To get right to the point, my problem is that when I make love to my boyfriend, I am very loud. So loud it makes my lovers deaf. This has happened more than once. My whole apartment building complains of my noises.

The worst part was that last night I was so loud that it made my lover totally deaf. I now find it very hard to talk to him because he can't hear. In fact, I can't even ask him, 'How was I?'. What shall I do?

MONA LOTT

----------------

Mona, Mona, Mona,

Have you tried playing charades?

+ + +


Hello dart,

just wondering if you're alone? You are? That's great! And what are you wearing? Mmmmm that's sexy, very sexy! Can you take it off for me? WOW! You have such a beautiful body. Can you bring it a little closer to me? I bet you it's very warm and wet.

PHIL HERSNATCH

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Look P.H., if i told you once, I told you twice, Don't EVER bother me when I'm in the toilet!

+ + + +


Dart,
please I need you're help badly. I am a male, over fifty years old and I'm very embarrassed to admit it, but I NEVER, ever, not even once, have been on a blind date. Can you help?

STEVIE WONDER

---------------


Look Stevie, it's no wonder you haven't been on a blind date. Who would even think, let themselves even think, about going, on any kind of date, with someone with the name of STEVIE.


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Psychic kiki tells ALL!

Other psychics are always trying to bust her balls. Why? Because Psychickiki (as her name suggests) has something extra they don’t have. An extra ball. Having these two (crystal) balls, let her see what those others can’t and she’s not afraid to expose these here:

o A nightclub will open up that’s so exclusive it will have no members.

o A terrorist lumberjack will try to chop down the Washington Monument.

o An upcoming major outbreak of the rockin’ pneumonia and the boogie woogie flu will rock Memphis.

o Andy Dick will change his name to Andy Penis.

o Archeologists will discover the Statue of Liberty is in fact a crossdresser.

o Castro Oil will be found in Cuba.

o Chia salads will be the next health food trend.

o Cookie monster will bake in the California sun.

o Driving while chewing gum will be outlawed.

o Elton John will sell portable toilets named after him.

o Hugh Hefner will admit he’s gay and he loves dressing as a bunny.

o Jay Leno will be caught lip-syncing his monologue.

o Mister Bubble will be found drowned in a bathtub. CSI will investigate.

o Pamela Anderson will tell all who listen she enjoys the breast stroke.

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Nicole making SENSE?

(from the Huffington Post) Newly brunette mother-of-two Nicole Richie covers the March issue of British Marie Claire and inside she tries to lay rest to the rumors that she ever had an eating disorder.

"I felt it was a little unfair to say someone has an eating disorder when they don't. It's extremely insulting and irresponsible," she told the magazine.

"An eating disorder is serious and it's a disease. I don't think you can lightly say someone has a disease unless they are openly telling you that they do."

Nicole started looking frighteningly thin towards the end of 2004 while filming 'The Simple Life.' In 2006 she sought medical treatment at her father's urging to stop her frame from shrinking any further.



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WOODY gets a WOODY

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