Showing posts with label sexy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sexy. Show all posts
Monday, August 23, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Monday, December 28, 2009
what BRA size are you?
{A} Almost Boobs
{B} Barely there
{C} Can't complain
{D} Damn it!
{DD} Double Damn it!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake
{G} Get a Reduction
{H} Help me! I've fallen and can't get up!
* * *
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
play it safe!!
GENTLEMEN: Before you get it on – maybe you should put one on. Then you can be as
gentle as you want with concern about child support to worry about. If you always thought that a condom was an expensive place to live...
BUDDY, you’re WRONG, so WRONG, you're very WRONG!
Wasn’t it Eve who told Adam “No glove no – no love”? (Maybe not?)
Right now there are many of these “stoppers” on your drug store shelf (or your nearest public men’s room) with NO I.D. REQUIRED to buy them. All kinds and all sizes (no, you can’t try them on). Some even flavored.
To assist these makers of these “un-makers”, THE DARTBOARD offers these ad slogans: ***:
• Be into rubber, its what everybody’s wearing.
• Disguise your lump before you hump.
• Put on your dome before you take her home.
• Don’t be silly, protect your Willie.
• You’ll be a loner if you don’t cloak your boner.
• If you think she says f*ck me, cover your monkey.
• Loving you is sweeter if you dress-up you peter.
• More likely to link if you cover your dink.
• Can’t go wrong -- with rubber on your dong.
• If you’re in heat, cover your meat.
• If you don’t want clap, give it a wrap.
• Getting on with a Venus, dress up you penis.
• Remember in December, decorate your member.
• Don’t be a fool, cover your tool.
• Wearing this armor if you don’t want to harm her.
• She will be beneath, if you camouflage your sheath,
*** Ad agencies or other interested parties who need to contact THE DARTBOARD ( about a job, perhaps?), please leave a name and number below.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
LOOK AT MY "QUACK"! -- Could be a most popular FASHION STATEMENT
A "QUACK" -- named after what the ladies will be revealing (and others will be seeing) while wearing this fashionable new mini-mini-mini skirt.
Should be popular for her but more likely for him and even other hers and wannabe hoes.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
CAN YOU BE A PORN STAR?
With all the star searching for the next idols, the reality is there is no new porn idol we know of. FACE IT! You are probably asking yourself and wondering why you have been ignored so long – “why can’t I be the one to be the next big new porn star”.
So you think you're ready?
Have you've got what it takes?
Whether you're a he or a she, a she-he or a he-she -- you know you've thought about it!
You may have even privately practiced a few in-out/out-in moves at home with your videocam (maybe even with a partner).
NOW, before you pack up, and move into a damp motel room, and get famous, take a few minutes and see how you rate as an "adult" film star.
ANSWER ALL QUESTIONS WITH AN "X" (obviously!)
1/ Before entering an adult video store, I always:
(a) Put on a disguise, look both ways to & check if anyone saw me arrive.
(b) Put on a pair of surgical gloves, mask, and a condom.
(c) Check myself out in the mirror to see how cool I look in sunglasses.
2/ If the clerk says "can I help you" I always respond :
(a) "do I look like a pervert?"
(b) "I'm here for a friend"
(c) "don't you have anything stronger than this!"
3/ My favorite time for sex is :
(a) After a good healthy meal
(b) During a good healthy meal
(c) Instead of a good healthy meal
4/ Regarding having dirty steamy sex, it usually takes me at least 30 minutes to :
(a) Get enough courage to buy a condom.
(b) Find a partner
(c) Remember who I am with
5/ After an embarrassing sexual session, I usually :
(a) Call my mother and then to Jerry Springer
(b) Blame it on my religion
(c) Deny! Deny! Deny!
6/ Complete the sentence; "wham, bam, thank you,_________ .
(a) Good night!"
(b) How much?"
(c) You're welcome!"
7/ My favorite sexual position is :
(a) Alone.
(b) Very difficult for me to spell & pronounce.
(c) Illegal in 7 european countries and three provinces.
8/ To me, "group sex" means :
(a) Sex involving all the members of Aerosmith or the Pussycat Dolls.
(b) Somebody misspelled "grope".
(c) Bringing a "HI I'M" name tag.
9/ When I hear someone say they have "12 inches", I think :
(a) WOW! What a bad snowfall.
(b) what the metric equivalent would be.
(c) Is that all?
10/ In a sex shoppe, you'll find me :
(a) In the "8 items or less" line,
(b) Working there.
(c) Buying some extra long-lasting rechargeable batteries.
-------------------------------------
Evaluation:
for every (a) answer
give yourself 10 points.
for every (b) answer
give yourself 100 points.
for every (c) answer
give yourself 1000 points.
* * *
What does your score mean:
UNDER 100 POINTS:
Go back to school and take a math course.
BETWEEN 100 AND 10,000 POINTS:
Wash your hands, brush your teeth, and get dressed!
Don't just sit there! You should be running out the door to get your name changed to DICK L'ARGE or LOTTA AKSHUN !!!!
It's time to start thinking what people will say when they see you perform and dream about being naughty with you. YES -- the next time you hear the word "Action", you will be the star on a film set, with naked people, and that's exactly what you will be getting (some "ACTION").
OVER 10,000 POINTS:
Liar! Liar! Pants on fire!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
what's new pussy-cat?
The former gay-hating Miss USA cunt-estant-loser performs some of her hands-on favorites:
* ALL BY MYSELF
* I FEEL FINE
* SEE ME, FEEL ME, TOUCH ME
* FIXING A HOLE
* DANCING WITH MYSELF
And the special bonus track with the self-made home video
** CALIFORNIA HERE I CUM!
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