CUM AND GET SOME!

THE WIDE WORLD OF SEX

WHERE TO GO – WHEN YOU WANT TO GET SOME

From England’s THE SUN, here’s a guide…..

Sweden
is home to the most bisexual babes in the world, a new study has revealed.
Nordic naughtiness is all the rage with the blonde beauties over there.
But they don't top the league when it comes to lasting the longest in bed - held by Brazil - or come near San Francisco as the kinkiest place to visit.
Here, Rhian Sanville takes a flick through the global sex atlas and picks out some of the hottest facts ever.

New Zealand
Totalling an average of 20.4 sexual partners in a lifetime, New Zealand has the most promiscuous women in the world, a survey reveals.

Austria
With an average of 29.3 sexual partners, Austria's men are the most promiscuous in the world, a survey reveals.
Germany

Germany
is the country with the world's worst lovers as revealed by OnePoll.com survey taken by women from 20 different countries - the reason they gave was that they were 'too smelly'.


Spain
is home to the world's best lovers as revealed by OnePoll.com survey taken by women from 20 different countries.

Thailand
At an average of 10 minutes, sex in Thailand is believed to last the shortest amount of time in the world.

Greece
A Durex survey revealed that Greece is the horniest country in the world.

Brazil
According to The Penguin Atlas of Human Sexual Behaviour, sex lasts the longest in , at an average of 30 minutes.

Australia
Australian breasts are blooming lovely, with over 40 per cent of Australian women now buying bras with a cup size of DD or higher - some bra companies have introduced cup sizes as high as K to accommodate the busty Aussie girls.

Indonesia
Seven times a year on a holiday called 'Pon', Indonesians make a pilgrimage to a sacred mountain on Java to get down and dirty with a person other than their spouse - if they sleep with that same person seven times, they believe their wishes and blessings will come true.

India
When India's first phone-sex line went live, it became so popular that it was driving its users into debt - so the Indian government shut it down.

France
A Marie Claire survey found that 41 per cent of French people have participated in an orgy and 27 per cent have engaged in partner swapping. It is also believed that the French give and receive the most fellatio.

Japan
With a total of 500 people taking part, Japan has successfully set the world record for world's largest orgy. The Harajuku area of Tokyo is famous across the world for its fetish fashions - the most recent fetish-fashion craze to sweep the area is 'injured idol', where scantily clad women dress up in bandages.

Mykonos, Greece
Anything goes on this Greek island, which has been dubbed 'the world's adult playground'.

San Fernando Valley, California, USA
Nearly 90 per cent of all legally distributed pornographic films made in the United States are either filmed in or produced by studios based in the San Fernando Valley - aka "Porn Valley", "San Pornando Valley" or "Silicone Valley".

San Francisco, California, USA
This city is host to the World's largest showcase for S&M products and culture - the Folsom Street Fair.

Tel Aviv, Israel
This city is known as the 'brothel capital of the world', with an estimated 250 knocking shops.

Cap d'Agde, France
Unsurprisingly, France boasts the largest naturist resort in the world - the Cap d'Agde, whose 'Village Naturiste' is made up of a small town and a 2km beach.

Upminster, England
The residents of this suburban town are the kinkiest in England - they spend 7.9 times the national average on sex toys and DVDs to boost their sex lives.

---------------

DARTBOARD says "Could all this be the cause of global warming?"

Your Ad Here

from a NAME you can trust

Your Ad Here

NEW uses - OLD products

* * *

Your Ad Here

Does it come with a rubber?

From across the really, really, big pond, our favorite English newspaper THE SUN reports:

“TODAY we lift the lid on the latest internet craze - sex education illustrated with PENS.
It sees a range of stationery used to depict different types of couples and even saucy acts.
In the snaps, blue and red Biros represent men and women respectively.
Well-endowed fellas are chunky markers while transvestites are a mix of both colours.
And for those lacking a bit of lead in their pencil there's even a "Viagra" sharpener.
The cheeky pen portraits - which have been sweeping the web in an email - walk a fine line between being too rude and a write laugh.”


Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/2824439/Sex-education-explained-with-pens.html?#EMC-Bltn#ixzz0djeAOeud

Your Ad Here

Let’s hear it from the girls -- “My face or yours” and other LESBIAN PICK-UP LINES

o Excuse me! Can we be OUT front with each other?

o Can you hit me below the belt?

o Hello kitten, I’m smitten.

o Hello! I’m your main course – hope it like me well-done.

o I don’t have to go to Holland to see such a well-built dyke.

o I have a secret – can you keep us between us girls?

o I hope you’re name is Susan, so you can sue me.

o I’m thinking of a good vibration – join me.

o If I were straight I’d still want you.

o Interested in a lots of touch and go.

o Isn’t it time to be gay and play?

o Join me in my playpen, I have lots of toys.

o Just because I look straight it doesn’t mean I am.

o Let’s get down for a good time.

o Lez be close friends!

o My ex-boyfriend was a girl.

o My place is downstairs wanna come?.

o Remember me – I put the ho into homo.

o Strap-on, strap off.

o When I see you, I can’t even think straight.

o Don’t go now, wait and come with me.

* * *

Your Ad Here

A l'il dirty joke for all ye young lads & lassies

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me
life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only be in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time

I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

* * *

Your Ad Here

WHAT KIND OF PERV ARE YOU?

Ladies & Gentleman, PLEASE tick off all that apply:

o Smoked pot
o Washed a pot

o Went to a church to get sex
o Went to a church because of sex

o Woke up with someone you didn’t know
o Woke up with ten people you didn’t know

o Paid for sex with money
o Paid for sex with bus fare

o Had sex with a doctor
o Saw a doctor about sex

o Paid a stripper to lap dance
o Got paid as a stripper to lap dance

o Got spanked before good sex
o Got spanked after bad sex

o Used a toy before sex
o Got used as a toy during sex

o Had sex with someone of the same sex
o Had sex with someone whose sex you didn’t know

o Had sex in your parent’s bed
o Had sex in your baby’s crib

o Had sex while drunk
o Got drunk after sex



There are no right or wrongs answers to this examination. You have only yourself, your conscience, and guilt that you have to live with -- your answers will tell how bad you really are.

BUT, if checked off more than 11 (eleven), don’t you ever, EVER, ever come (or consider to come) to my house for dinner, breakfast, lunch or EVEN A SNACK -- you are an absolutely worthless piece of scum.

Your Ad Here

From our "we couldn’t make this up if we tried" dept. – "even if we tried" -- VIAGRA SHEETS = "wish we thought of that"

ACCORDING TO ENGLAND’S SUN>> Spanish genius Pep Torres, 44, has used nanotechnology to infuse the sex drug's arousing ingredient into the fibers of a bed sheet.
When people get into bed the viagra soaks into their skin and gets into the bloodstream - which could wreak havoc if you were hoping for an early night.
Pep said: "It started as a joke after we saw a German study that said businessmen get little sex because they are too tired from work.
"But we got so many calls after launching it that we're going into production.
"The people we got to test them said they felt their heads pumping, and so was another thing. And they couldn't concentrate on anything except...well, you know."
He unveiled the invention at the 9th British Invention Show at London's Alexandra Palace last July.

Your Ad Here

sock it to me

o Colors can easily show how gay you are.

o Don’t have to know left and right when putting them on.

o Easily taken off for swimming and sex.

o Good at hiding bad feet.

o Make bedroom antics more fun when using them as hand puppets.

Your Ad Here

some bedtime stories

Your Ad Here

BULLSEYE: Dart answers all of your important questions (cause DART knows best!)

DART my dear,

Sorry to bother you my dear, but you’re the only real person I can turn to in my hour of desperate need. I am married, 24, healthy with big breasts (34DDD), no kids and a cute bum. My problem is that my husband has a very foul mouth. For example, if I ask him to do something the answer he always gives me is “F*** off, do it yourself”. If it I try talking when the TV is on it’s “Shut the F*** UP!”, when I ask him what he wants for dinner, the answer is always “Isn't F*CKIN’ ready yet?”. The problem is I don’t know for how much longer I can take this verbal abuse.

If he doesn’t stop this SHIT soon, I might kill that ASSHOLE.

Your advice in this matter would be a big help.

Pina Slicker

-----

MESSAGE to P.S. you know I love you. Does anything else matter?

* * *

Dart, dart, Dart,

What do you think of oral sex on the first date?

Maxwell House

-------

Dear Mister House,
Are you propositioning me?

* * *
Dear Dart,

Lately I’ve been waking up with the smell of bananas between my legs. I know you’re not a gynecologist, not a produce vendor, or even a rare breed of monkey. Do you have any idea what would be the cause of this particular aroma?

Jean Poule
--------

J.P.,
have you ever tried watching the Miss America pageant without laughing hysterically? Try it!

* * *

Your Ad Here

BABE ALERT: we believe!

Your Ad Here

BULLSEYE: Dart answers all of your important questions (cause DART knows best!)

Hey DART,

Help! I’m a 30 year old virgin and I met this girl named Marie about 2 ½ years ago who is now one of my best friends.
I’ve always been sexually attracted to her and would like things to go further between us.
We kissed once about a year ago, which led to a long talk where she said she didn’t want to ruin our outstanding friendship with this.
I’m not sure if this was bullshit (oops, sorry about the language) or not, but either way, I’m still only in the “just friend” zone with her.

I’ve never really had a close girl FRIEND that way before, and definitely not one that I have done “the nasty” with.
How can I go about seeing if this "nasty" thing could happen without compromising our long friendship?

HELP! TELL ME are there clues I can look for to see if she has the same kind of romantic interest in me?


Jenn Till
Heartbreak Motel,
Memphis, Tennessee
(no number)
---------

Okay Till, here's deal

Here are THE DARTBOARD top clues 10 to know if she’s interested.

10 – She keeps rubbing her crotch when she hears your name mentioned.

9 – She drools when you both pass a mattress store.

8 – She gets tattoos on her body that match your handprints..

7 – She buys camera because she wants to see what you look like naked.

6 – She squeezes your boobs instead of using the car horn.

5 – She tells you she’s leaving her husband and kids as well as breaking up with her boyfriend the butcher to be with you.

4 – She asks you if she could come over and bathe in your sink.

3 – Instead of asking you “do you want pizza with me?”, she ask “do you want a piece of me?”

2 – She shows you the porn film she stars in.

and the #1 way to know she’s interested in you is when….

1 – she nicknames you my pussy, my whore, or my bitch,

* * *

Your Ad Here

play it safe!!

GENTLEMEN: Before you get it on – maybe you should put one on. Then you can be as
gentle as you want with concern about child support to worry about. If you always thought that a condom was an expensive place to live...

BUDDY, you’re WRONG, so WRONG, you're very WRONG!

Wasn’t it Eve who told Adam “No glove no – no love”? (Maybe not?)

Right now there are many of these “stoppers” on your drug store shelf (or your nearest public men’s room) with NO I.D. REQUIRED to buy them. All kinds and all sizes (no, you can’t try them on). Some even flavored.

To assist these makers of these “un-makers”, THE DARTBOARD offers these ad slogans: ***:
• Be into rubber, its what everybody’s wearing.

• Disguise your lump before you hump.

• Put on your dome before you take her home.

• Don’t be silly, protect your Willie.

• You’ll be a loner if you don’t cloak your boner.

• If you think she says f*ck me, cover your monkey.

• Loving you is sweeter if you dress-up you peter.

• More likely to link if you cover your dink.

• Can’t go wrong -- with rubber on your dong.

• If you’re in heat, cover your meat.

• If you don’t want clap, give it a wrap.

• Getting on with a Venus, dress up you penis.

• Remember in December, decorate your member.

• Don’t be a fool, cover your tool.

• Wearing this armor if you don’t want to harm her.

• She will be beneath, if you camouflage your sheath,

*** Ad agencies or other interested parties who need to contact THE DARTBOARD ( about a job, perhaps?), please leave a name and number below.

Your Ad Here

What is this poor girl thinking?

 Hope he hires me over that guy..

 Does this color of pink make me look fat?

 I bet I can hold my breath alot longer than you can.

 Damn it, why do they make shoes with laces.

 I think I passed, I’m sure I heard the doctor whisper ”nice breaths”.

 I bet I would make a great pillow salesperson.

 I thought topless bar meant the place had no roof.

 Stupid man – why would he want to see my headlights when I don’t even have a car.

 I’m with those PETA folks, I won’t buy virgin wool, I can wait till the sheep gets married.

 Anna Nicole Smith taught me “Where there’s a will, I want to be in it”’


* * *

Your Ad Here

THE DARTBOARD INTERVIEW: DART POKES while LADY PAM -- she SPAMS

DARTBOARD: Welcome Pam. A.

PAMELA ANDERSON: Thank you it’s always great to be on television.

D: Sorry, this isn’t TV.

P.A.: Radio then, I just love talking on the radio. I love Howard Stern.

D: Sorry Ms. Anderson, wrong again. Sorry this isn’t radio.

P.A.: Then what is this? I don’t just not wear a bra for everyone. Well I do but…

D: Sorry to interrupt but, the DARTBOARD is a webpage. People will be reading this like a book.

P.A.: A book?

D: Yes a book, that you read.

P.A.: Ok. I think I was told about them.

D: We’re getting off track -- let’s get to business. What do we owe this interview to? Are you here to talk your d-cups and your coffee shops?

P.A.: I’m always doing that, you see them, you like them, they’re new ones.

D: Yes good job, they look real. So what brings you here to the DARTBOARD.

P.A.: My sports car, a brand new pink Porche convertible. I has it made special for me.

D: Top down?

P.A.: Every chance I get!

D: Right, that’s obvious. Big headlights too, I bet.

P.A.: Huh?

D: What I meant was, are you here to promote something, a new movie? Maybe a Baywatch reunion, a Playboy cover, a new TV series?

P.A.: None of the above.

D: Then I assume you’re here to talk about PETA?

P.A.: You mean People who Eat Tasty Animals. Nope I’m here because I realized, and so did others, that it’s business that I’m built for.

D: No argument there.

P.A.: I’m here to announce the opening of my new massage parlor.

D: But P.A., you must realize that there are many of those already around here.

P.A.: Yes, but mine will be different.

D: How’s that?

P.A.: Mine will be self-serve.

D: Pamela Anderson.

P.A.: Yes?

D: Good bye!

P.A.: Yes, there will be, half-price opening special. Just mention my name. Hope everybody comes.

Your Ad Here

JUST SAY NO!! and you don't mean maybe

Pick-up lines never work. here's proof:

he -- I know how to please a woman.
she -- If you do then please, leave me alone.

he -- The color of your hair is fabulous.
she -- I got it on aisle three at the drugstore.

he -- You looks are like someone that I always dreamt about.
she -- Then go back to sleep – maybe you can get lucky.

he -- I would travel to the end of the world for you.
she -- Then go to the airport, buy a ticket, and stay there.

he -- Do you want to go back to your place, or mine?
she -- Sounds good, you go your place and I’ll go to mine.

he -- What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in this bar?
she -- What’s it like being the biggest pest.

he -- Can I see you pretty soon?
she -- Are you telling me I’m not pretty now.


* * *

Your Ad Here

WHO's is this?

Your Ad Here

making asses of themselves

You probably won't see this on Entertainment Tonight.

Your Ad Here

BABE ALERT! And a tip from dart : BE CAREFUL around turntables or you'll be singing -- "I'm stuck on band-aids and band-aids stuck on me"

Your Ad Here