Sorry Ms Clinton, I wasn't listening, something distracted me

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RIHANNA -- what are you thinking?

 If touching like this works for Lady Gaga, then why not me.

 I think my finger’s stuck.

 You wanna see my camel toe? NO way sister.

 I wish I had my brella-brella-brella, the rain is ruining my hair.

 Great pajamas ya think!

 It’s hat hair.

 I thought they made this thing wireless.

 Where’d my watch go?

 If I don’t get Oprah’s job, I’ll be so sad.

 My new look – sorry.

* * *

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babe(y) Alert!

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A DAY AT THE ORIFACE, errrr OFFICE, sorry

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oh.... the darts

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Not so super heroes

Here's some folks (mostly men) not to call if you're in trouble:



 WONDER BRA WOMAN
 SO BORED MAN
 SHUT-UP MAN
 REPAIR MAN
 REAL NOWHERE MAN
 PIZZA DELIVERY MAN
 PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY
 MANFRED MAN
 LOOSE WOMAN
 GO-4-IT MAN
 BRATMAN

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can you read this?

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THIRTEEN (not so lucky) SIGNS YOUR MOTHER IS TRYING TO KILL YOU

In this age of tot-moms that kill, one can never be too careful. From our “I fought my ma, and my ma won” dept., here are the things that Nancy Grace never told you:

1) She lends you her electric hair dryer while you’re taking a bath.

2) Her new hobby is sharpening her machete knife.

3) She takes notes marked DON’T while watching CSI and Cold Case.

4) She tells you a shark she put in your swimming pool that is playful.

5) She puts your favorite blanket and duct tape in the trunk of her car.

6) She puts razor blades in your apple to prepare you for Halloween.

7) Challenges you to see how long you can hold your breath underwater while holding your head in the toilet.

8) She insists that a handful of sleeping pills are the same as one vitamin.

9) She cooks you a pizza with her special freshly just-picked mushrooms

10) She plays with you hangman with real rope.

11) For summer vacation she sends you to a concentration camp.

12) She asks you to look under the car while she checks the reverse.

13) She buys you a pet cobra.

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SEX? IT CAN ALSO MEAN GENDER

Male or Female? Many non-living objects are actually either male or female. To clear up any confusion, here’s some examples fromaround the house or office::


FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off -- it may take a while to warm them up again. Push the right buttons and it’s a effective reproductive device. Push the wrong ones and you get trouble.
TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are not very useful when inflated.
SPONGES: Female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain ware.
HOT AIR BALLOONS: A male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under them.
WEB PAGES: Female -- constantly being looked at and good ones are always getting hit on.
TRAINS: Male -- always use the same old lines for picking up people.
EGG TIMERS: Female -- eventually all the weight can shift to the bottom.
HAMMERS: Male because in the last 5000 years, they’ve hardly changed at all, but they are still handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female -- gives a man hours of pleasure if he knows how to work it.

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BULLetin: Double Double for Pam

A SOURCE close to the DARTBOARD tells us that the former BAYWATCH STAR (not David Hasselhoff (who friends "the Hoff")) has opened a chain of coffee shops. The limited menu is a double latte in double D-cup.

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