THIRTEEN (not so lucky) SIGNS YOUR MOTHER IS TRYING TO KILL YOU

In this age of tot-moms that kill, one can never be too careful. From our “I fought my ma, and my ma won” dept., here are the things that Nancy Grace never told you:

1) She lends you her electric hair dryer while you’re taking a bath.

2) Her new hobby is sharpening her machete knife.

3) She takes notes marked DON’T while watching CSI and Cold Case.

4) She tells you a shark she put in your swimming pool that is playful.

5) She puts your favorite blanket and duct tape in the trunk of her car.

6) She puts razor blades in your apple to prepare you for Halloween.

7) Challenges you to see how long you can hold your breath underwater while holding your head in the toilet.

8) She insists that a handful of sleeping pills are the same as one vitamin.

9) She cooks you a pizza with her special freshly just-picked mushrooms

10) She plays with you hangman with real rope.

11) For summer vacation she sends you to a concentration camp.

12) She asks you to look under the car while she checks the reverse.

13) She buys you a pet cobra.

Your Ad Here

NA NA NA NA NAAAAAAAAAAA where is he?

There hasn’t been a caped crusader escapade since he joked around with Heath Ledger. Maybe there’s a more sinister explanation? He’s hiding, From who? Here are some Dark Knight's villains you've never heard of.


Count Chocula

Elephant woman

Roto Rooter man

THE Crossing Guard

The Diddler

The Giggler

The Kindergarten Teacher

The Sissy

The Waitress

The Whistler

SUBSCRIBE IF U CAN

Your Ad Here

NICE TIPS IN MALIBU

BE CAREFUL OF THOSE TANLINES BARBIE!

Your Ad Here

THE BULLSEYE (asking Dart the real questions that really matter)

Dear DART,

I hope you don't mind the CAPS I use SO frequently. The REASON I do this is because I feel not ENOUGH attention is given to the SHIFT key. The poor key resting on BOTH the right AND left side of the keyboard ONLY gets called into DUTY when it comes to the beginning of names AND the beginning OF sentences. DO you know any WAY we could do someTHING about THIS injustice before THIS guy gives it up all TOGETHER?

jack HOFF

---------------


Well J.H., my advice is to ask someone who cares. Who do you think I am Kim Kommando?

Your Ad Here

why to choose a GEEK lover

• A GEEK LOVER could fix your computer. Do you really need any more good excuses?
+ A GEEK LOVER would have friends who can fix your computer (if your GEEK couldn't).
+ You don’t own a computer? A GEEK LOVER could also hook up the Cable TV, satellite dish, program your VCR, connect the DVD player.
+ An EXTRA! A GEEK LOVER would have friends who could could also hook up the the Cable TV, satellite dish, program your VCR, connect the DVD player.(if your geek is busy).
+ Not only that, A GEEK LOVER can also fix your other electronic gizmos, And A GEEK LOVER can do the same for your friends’ stuff.
+ You will learn the joys of cooking with feta cheese. Drinking Ouzo! OOPA! As well as getting stuffed with the variety of all the different meats that can be cooked on a stick. WAIT! STOP! (Sorry, this reason was meant for hooking up with a GREEK, not GEEK. (NEVERMIND!)
+ You’ll never miss a Star Trek TV show, Star Trek movie or Star Trek Convention – at least more than once.
+ Not into computers, TVs and DVDs? What about the other hi-tech gadgets you don’t own and want? Cellphones, computers, digital cameras, camcorders, and MP3 players will all be under the Christmas tree as with your next birthday with your name on it.

And just think how popular you will be and how much your friends will like you!
Your phone won’t stop ringing from all these needy and cheap friends wanting you and your GEEK to come over.


So now you know what’s in it for you.
Hurry, hurry, hurry, there must be a Best Buy close to you. A perfect site to check out some GEEKY prospects.

* * *

Your Ad Here