hmm, looking for MEMBERS

Your Ad Here

just a reminder

Your Ad Here

THE DARTBOARD INTERVIEW: Tom Cruise

DARTBOARD: Welcome TOM to THE DARTBOARD. We all know that you’re only 5’ 7” -- so we’ll keep it short. Can we get you anything?

TOM CRUISE: Do you have any TAPS around? I could use some water.

D.B.: Here you go… Mister Cruise, you’ve had a very successful career in movies. Why do you think that is?

T.C.: It’s no doubt THE COLOR OF MONEY, this is a RISKY BUSINESS and I managed to make ALL THE RIGHT MOVES when people said for me it was a MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.

D.B.: And you’ve been with some pretty HOT and beautiful women – Nicole Kidman for instance.

T.C.: Do you really want to know about her? Ask her about me and she’ll tell you a COCKTAIL – she’ll tell you about my TOP GUN – know what I mean? A FEW GOOD MEN sure would.

D.B.: Changing the subject, you are now a father. Were you there with Katie for their births?

T.C.: I sure was there – watching with my EYES WIDE SHUT.

D.B.: Any regrets about that?

T.C.: Just one. I just wish one of them was BORN ON THE FORTH OF JULY

D.B.: Tom Cruise, I’m sorry but I think the only reason you’ve come to THE DARTBOARD is to promote your movies. If that’s true, you better leave.

T.C.: Gotta run anyway – it looks like RAIN MAN – probably DAYS OF THUNDER ahead.

D.B.: Good luck with the Scientology!

Your Ad Here

Some Titles for December

 A CHRISTMAS CAROL BURNETT

 BABES IN JOYLAND

 I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRIS ROCK

 OH COME ALL YOU FAITH HILL

 RUDOLPH THE RED KNOWS RAIN, DEAR

 THE POLAR FEDEX

Your Ad Here

THE DARTBOARD INTERVIEW: Britney Spears

THE DARTBOARD: Welcome Ms Spears to THE DARTBOARD.

BRITNEY SPEARS: (silence)

D.B: Pardon?

BRIT: (silence)

D.B: I’m sorry Britney, your lips are moving but I can’t hear a word you’re saying.

BRIT: Dang! You mean this isn’t a concert. No wonder I didn’t hear my taped voice singin'.

D.B: Can we get you anything?

BRIT: Dang, how about bringin’ me a Black Russian.

D.B: Sorry we don’t have alcohol here.

BRIT: Dang, I didn’t say a drink – I meant a dude from you know Moscow.

D.B: Before we start, Britney, would you mind closing your legs? It’s very distracting.

BRIT: Dang, you mean, oops I did it again. I forgot my undies in the car.

D.B: To get to know you a little better, what are your hobbies?

BRIT: Dang, I like to hang out in clubs.


D.B: Yes we can see. Anything else?

BRIT: Dang, does gettin' married to losers and havin’ babies count?

D.B: Not really.

BRIT: Dang! Not my babies now anyway, they belong to Fedex.

D.B: You mean K-Fed?.

BRIT: Whatever.

D.B: You forgot to say “dang”.

BRIT: Dang – I didn’t notice. Musta forgot.

D.B: I see you brought a banjo with you. We didn’t know you played.

BRIT: Dang, I don’t. I just brought it with me.

D.B: Okay, by the way, how are the babies?

BRIT: Dang, I read in People Magazine, that their fine, fine, fine.

D.B: Do you miss them?

BRIT: Dang, if I missed babies, I could always make another one. I'm ready. I already got my expectin’ baby clothes at home. Dang, this time I’ll name the lil fella CHUCK.

D.B: Chuck?

BRIT: Dang, Chuck Spears, get it!

D.B: Right. Maybe you should give up singing and try telling jokes?

BRIT: Dang, I believe I gave up singing when I was in the Mickey Mouse Club

D.B: And we believe this interview is over.

BRIT: Dang, can I uncross my legs now?

* * *

Your Ad Here

a magazine we ripped off

Your Ad Here

not for children stories...

Your Ad Here

SHAKESPEARE TO CHEER! (the xxx editions)

REMEMBER WILL, the guy from England who wrote a lot of those plays and other stuff you were forced to read in high school. Zzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz! Well, in an attempt to bring his work back on the New York Times' best-seller list, and give students everywhere something else to cyber, DART suggest that someone re-write Mister Bill's old golden oldies, porn-style.

Why is he smiling?

Here are some titles

 Twelfth Night In A Row
 The Merchant Of Penis
 Taming Of The Screw
 Romeo And Julie Wet
 Ramlot
 Much Goo About Nothing
 Midsummer Night’s Wet Dream
 Merry Wives And Win’s Sore
 Love’s Labor Lust
 King Leer
 Julius Seize Her
 As You Lick It
 All’s Well In The End’s Well
 A Winter’s Tail

Your Ad Here