another night with PARIS

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THE DARTBOARD INTERVIEW: Britney Spears

THE DARTBOARD: Welcome Ms Spears to THE DARTBOARD.

BRITNEY SPEARS: (silence)

D.B: Pardon?

BRIT: (silence)

D.B: I’m sorry Britney, your lips are moving but I can’t hear a word you’re saying.

BRIT: Dang! You mean this isn’t a concert. No wonder I didn’t hear my taped voice singin'.

D.B: Can we get you anything?

BRIT: Dang, how about bringin’ me a Black Russian.

D.B: Sorry we don’t have alcohol here.

BRIT: Dang, I didn’t say a drink – I meant a dude from you know Moscow.

D.B: Before we start, Britney, would you mind closing your legs? It’s very distracting.

BRIT: Dang, you mean, oops I did it again. I forgot my undies in the car.

D.B: To get to know you a little better, what are your hobbies?

BRIT: Dang, I like to hang out in clubs.


D.B: Yes we can see. Anything else?

BRIT: Dang, does gettin' married to losers and havin’ babies count?

D.B: Not really.

BRIT: Dang! Not my babies now anyway, they belong to Fedex.

D.B: You mean K-Fed?.

BRIT: Whatever.

D.B: You forgot to say “dang”.

BRIT: Dang – I didn’t notice. Musta forgot.

D.B: I see you brought a banjo with you. We didn’t know you played.

BRIT: Dang, I don’t. I just brought it with me.

D.B: Okay, by the way, how are the babies?

BRIT: Dang, I read in People Magazine, that their fine, fine, fine.

D.B: Do you miss them?

BRIT: Dang, if I missed babies, I could always make another one. I'm ready. I already got my expectin’ baby clothes at home. Dang, this time I’ll name the lil fella CHUCK.

D.B: Chuck?

BRIT: Dang, Chuck Spears, get it!

D.B: Right. Maybe you should give up singing and try telling jokes?

BRIT: Dang, I believe I gave up singing when I was in the Mickey Mouse Club

D.B: And we believe this interview is over.

BRIT: Dang, can I uncross my legs now?

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SHOWDOWN with the Britneys

Good BRITNEY says "I love to breast-feed"...
Bad BRITNEY says, “I love to feed my breasts!”

Good BRITNEY says "thanks for a wonderful dinner, dear"...
Bad BRITNEY says, "what's for breakfast, lover?"

Good BRITNEY wears white cotton panties...
Bad BRITNEY doesn't wear any.

Good BRITNEY waxes her floors...
Bad BRITNEY waxes her bikini lines and what connects them.

Good BRITNEY loosens a few buttons when she's hot.
Bad BRITNEY tries to make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good BRITNEY makes chicken for dinner before a date.
Bad BRITNEY makes no reservations after a date.

Good BRITNEY blushes watching sex scenes in movies.
Bad BRITNEY knows she could do better ones live.

Good BRITNEY believes you're not fully dressed without a cool looking hat.
Bad BRITNEY believez that you are fully dressed wearing JUST a cool looking hat.

Good BRITNEY loves Mickey & Minnie Mouse being silly...
Bad BRITNEY loves being Goofy and silly.





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Happy Together -- she is both?

Just read that Ms Spears admits that she is finally "HAPPY!"



THE DARTBOARD, your source of responsible investigative reporting found out why:



 Bars no longer ask her for I.D..
 Found out she’s finally getting that Malibu Barbie for Christmas.
 Got her money back for the lip-synch lessons.
 Happy pills.
 Her hair grew back.
 K-fed lost her phone number
 Looks ok in a bikini.
 Nobody read her mom’s book.
 Paris Hilton is no longer her friend.
 Passed driver’s test this time and got her license.
 Spent more than a year without getting pregnant.

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