GIRL TALK

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THE DARTBOARD INTERVIEW: Tom Cruise

DARTBOARD: Welcome TOM to THE DARTBOARD. We all know that you’re only 5’ 7” -- so we’ll keep it short. Can we get you anything?

TOM CRUISE: Do you have any TAPS around? I could use some water.

D.B.: Here you go… Mister Cruise, you’ve had a very successful career in movies. Why do you think that is?

T.C.: It’s no doubt THE COLOR OF MONEY, this is a RISKY BUSINESS and I managed to make ALL THE RIGHT MOVES when people said for me it was a MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.

D.B.: And you’ve been with some pretty HOT and beautiful women – Nicole Kidman for instance.

T.C.: Do you really want to know about her? Ask her about me and she’ll tell you a COCKTAIL – she’ll tell you about my TOP GUN – know what I mean? A FEW GOOD MEN sure would.

D.B.: Changing the subject, you are now a father. Were you there with Katie for their births?

T.C.: I sure was there – watching with my EYES WIDE SHUT.

D.B.: Any regrets about that?

T.C.: Just one. I just wish one of them was BORN ON THE FORTH OF JULY

D.B.: Tom Cruise, I’m sorry but I think the only reason you’ve come to THE DARTBOARD is to promote your movies. If that’s true, you better leave.

T.C.: Gotta run anyway – it looks like RAIN MAN – probably DAYS OF THUNDER ahead.

D.B.: Good luck with the Scientology!

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CRUISE CONTROL

MEMO: TO TOM CRUISE

Message to Tom. You better go run,
The case is your career is just about done!

Once you were nice -- then you got rid of Nicole
And then you became involved in a Scientology role,

After got hooked up with Katie and gave her babies.
Was it to prove that gay rumors were only maybes?

On Oprah you told Brooke Shields to stay off of drugs,
Maybe you need to take some we say with a shrug.


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