Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
ASSES TO ASHES
In CANADA, the National Coalition Against Contraband Tobacco tell us (as if we didn't know) illegal cigarettes are not just sold illegally, but are manufactured that way, too.
They continue telling us that many of these underground processing areas are set up in tool sheds and garages, where spider's eggs, animal and even human feces can mix with the finished product.
(Ewwww! We didn't know that -- we give up!)
* * *
They continue telling us that many of these underground processing areas are set up in tool sheds and garages, where spider's eggs, animal and even human feces can mix with the finished product.
(Ewwww! We didn't know that -- we give up!)
* * *
SEND HELP! SHE'S ga-ga ING!!
Confessing to U.K.'s Daily Mirror she's sworn off good lovin' for her whole tour.
"I'm single," said Gaga, 23. "I haven't got time to spend on the road to get to know anyone. Even Lady GaGa can be celibate, you don't have to have sex to be loved."
+ + +
BY THE WAY - She's the one on the left.
GENTLEMEN - Would you do her?
* * *
"I'm single," said Gaga, 23. "I haven't got time to spend on the road to get to know anyone. Even Lady GaGa can be celibate, you don't have to have sex to be loved."
+ + +
BY THE WAY - She's the one on the left.
GENTLEMEN - Would you do her?
* * *
Saturday, March 20, 2010
THE DARTBOARD very exclusive INTERVIEW: Nadya "OCTOMOM" Suleman
DARTBOARD: Welcome to THE DARTBOARD, Nadya. And I see you brought your 14 children with you.
OCTOMOM: Yes I did. You notice they all have name tags on them so I can tell them apart. All babies look alike as you probably know. When I first saw the last eight on the ultrasound – they all looked the same. They had to have one of those big screen jobs so I could see all of them looking alike.
Can I introduce them to you?
DARTBOARD: Sure
OCTOMOM: Okay, first this is Eenie, then Meennie, Miny, and Moe, then there’s Sneezy, Sleepy, Dopey, Doc, Happy, Bashful, and Grumpy, and in the back is Curly, Larry, Moe and Ringo.
DARTBOARD: That’s 15. I thought you had 14.
OCTOMOM: I do. One of them is not mine. I’m babysitting one for a friend.
DARTBOARD: Which one?
OCTOMOM: To be honest – I don’t remember.
DARTBOARD: Nevermind.
OCTOMOM: I don’t.
DARTBOARD: Mind if I ask a question?
OCTOMOM: That is a question.
DARTBOARD: How do you manage to feed all these little ones?
OCTOMOM: Easy – I rent a cow.
DARTBOARD: Do you have any plans for yourself?
OCTOMOM: Well if don't get that job working at the circus – I might run for governor of Alaska.
DARTBOARD: Ms Suleman, thanks for coming in.
OCTOMOM: Don’t you want to see me breast feed?
DARTBOARD: No thanks. Good night.
* * *
OCTOMOM: Yes I did. You notice they all have name tags on them so I can tell them apart. All babies look alike as you probably know. When I first saw the last eight on the ultrasound – they all looked the same. They had to have one of those big screen jobs so I could see all of them looking alike.
Can I introduce them to you?
DARTBOARD: Sure
OCTOMOM: Okay, first this is Eenie, then Meennie, Miny, and Moe, then there’s Sneezy, Sleepy, Dopey, Doc, Happy, Bashful, and Grumpy, and in the back is Curly, Larry, Moe and Ringo.
DARTBOARD: That’s 15. I thought you had 14.
OCTOMOM: I do. One of them is not mine. I’m babysitting one for a friend.
DARTBOARD: Which one?
OCTOMOM: To be honest – I don’t remember.
DARTBOARD: Nevermind.
OCTOMOM: I don’t.
DARTBOARD: Mind if I ask a question?
OCTOMOM: That is a question.
DARTBOARD: How do you manage to feed all these little ones?
OCTOMOM: Easy – I rent a cow.
DARTBOARD: Do you have any plans for yourself?
OCTOMOM: Well if don't get that job working at the circus – I might run for governor of Alaska.
DARTBOARD: Ms Suleman, thanks for coming in.
OCTOMOM: Don’t you want to see me breast feed?
DARTBOARD: No thanks. Good night.
* * *
BBC NEWS REPORTS:
The trusted news source says:
MAN ASSAULTED OFFICER WITH PENIS
A man who assaulted a female police officer with his penis has been fined.
Marium Varinauskas, 28, tried to strike the officer on the head with his penis when she was called out to his flat, but she got out of the way.
Lithuanian Varinauskas admitted a charge of assault at Aberdeen Sheriff Court and was fined £600.
The court heard he had been drinking heavily and could not remember committing the offence at his home in Aberdeen.
Police were called to his home by his girlfriend, who had complained about him being drunk last November.
They arrived to find the self-employed engineer sitting on the sofa wearing a pair of underpants.
“ He apologises profusely and is extremely embarrassed ”
John Hardie Defence solicitor.
Fiscal depute Elaine Lynch said: "The accused got to his feet and was standing over the police officer exposing his penis and thrusting it in her face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck."
Defence solicitor John Hardie said: "He was sitting on the couch drunk with his pants on.
"He can't remember anything but accepts that if that's what the police say then that's what happened.
"He has never been so drunk before that day and accepts he has to take full responsibility. He apologises profusely and is extremely embarrassed."
His not guilty plea to committing a breach of the peace by uttering offensive and sexual remarks was accepted by the Crown.
Sheriff Annella Cowan was told that the Lithuanian had now quit binge drinking because of the incident.
- - -
The Dartboard says:
"What a dick!"
"Will this hold up in court?"
"Lucky it wasn't a stick-up"
"Do the police have hard evidence?"
"The guy must have had balls."
p.s. check out the name of the Defence solicitor -- > John Hardie
* * *
MAN ASSAULTED OFFICER WITH PENIS
A man who assaulted a female police officer with his penis has been fined.
Marium Varinauskas, 28, tried to strike the officer on the head with his penis when she was called out to his flat, but she got out of the way.
Lithuanian Varinauskas admitted a charge of assault at Aberdeen Sheriff Court and was fined £600.
The court heard he had been drinking heavily and could not remember committing the offence at his home in Aberdeen.
Police were called to his home by his girlfriend, who had complained about him being drunk last November.
They arrived to find the self-employed engineer sitting on the sofa wearing a pair of underpants.
“ He apologises profusely and is extremely embarrassed ”
John Hardie Defence solicitor.
Fiscal depute Elaine Lynch said: "The accused got to his feet and was standing over the police officer exposing his penis and thrusting it in her face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck."
Defence solicitor John Hardie said: "He was sitting on the couch drunk with his pants on.
"He can't remember anything but accepts that if that's what the police say then that's what happened.
"He has never been so drunk before that day and accepts he has to take full responsibility. He apologises profusely and is extremely embarrassed."
His not guilty plea to committing a breach of the peace by uttering offensive and sexual remarks was accepted by the Crown.
Sheriff Annella Cowan was told that the Lithuanian had now quit binge drinking because of the incident.
- - -
The Dartboard says:
"What a dick!"
"Will this hold up in court?"
"Lucky it wasn't a stick-up"
"Do the police have hard evidence?"
"The guy must have had balls."
p.s. check out the name of the Defence solicitor -- > John Hardie
* * *
Thursday, March 18, 2010
NEW WORDS
ANAGRAM --> a type of word play, the result of rearranging the letters of a word or phrase to produce a new word or phrase, using all the original letters exactly once.
Jerry Lewis
Jewelry, Sir
Tom Cruise
I'm So Cuter
Kim Kardashian
I Am a Kind Shark
John Mayer
Enjoy Harm
Sandra Bullock
Skull and Cobra
Arnold Schwarzenegger
He's Grown Large 'n' Crazed
Beyonce Knowles
Woken Obscenely
Justin Timberlake
I'm a Jerk, But Listen
James Cameron
Major Menaces
Bob Dylan
Bald, Bony
Robin Williams
I Warm Billions
Mel Gibson
Big Melons
Clint Eastwood
Old West Action
Jerry Seinfeld
Friendly Jeers
Tiger Woods
Got Weirdos
Kirstie Alley
Likes Reality
Britney Spears
Presbyterians
Conan O'Brien
Inane Bronco
Howard Stern
Wonder Trash
Woody Allen
A Lewd Loony
Jennifer Aniston
Fine in Torn Jeans
Sylvester Stallone
Slovenly Steel Star
Paul McCartney
Pay Mr. Clean-Cut
Heidi Montag
Imagined Hot
George Clooney
Cool Energy, Ego
David Letterman
Nerd Amid Late TV
Sarah Palin
A Plain Rash
Leonard Nimoy
I'm Only a Drone
Drew Barrymore
Merry Wardrobe
Madonna Louise Ciccone
One Cool Dance Musician
* * *
Jerry Lewis
Jewelry, Sir
Tom Cruise
I'm So Cuter
Kim Kardashian
I Am a Kind Shark
John Mayer
Enjoy Harm
Sandra Bullock
Skull and Cobra
Arnold Schwarzenegger
He's Grown Large 'n' Crazed
Beyonce Knowles
Woken Obscenely
Justin Timberlake
I'm a Jerk, But Listen
James Cameron
Major Menaces
Bob Dylan
Bald, Bony
Robin Williams
I Warm Billions
Mel Gibson
Big Melons
Clint Eastwood
Old West Action
Jerry Seinfeld
Friendly Jeers
Tiger Woods
Got Weirdos
Kirstie Alley
Likes Reality
Britney Spears
Presbyterians
Conan O'Brien
Inane Bronco
Howard Stern
Wonder Trash
Woody Allen
A Lewd Loony
Jennifer Aniston
Fine in Torn Jeans
Sylvester Stallone
Slovenly Steel Star
Paul McCartney
Pay Mr. Clean-Cut
Heidi Montag
Imagined Hot
George Clooney
Cool Energy, Ego
David Letterman
Nerd Amid Late TV
Sarah Palin
A Plain Rash
Leonard Nimoy
I'm Only a Drone
Drew Barrymore
Merry Wardrobe
Madonna Louise Ciccone
One Cool Dance Musician
* * *
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