THE DARTBOARD very exclusive INTERVIEW: Nadya "OCTOMOM" Suleman

DARTBOARD: Welcome to THE DARTBOARD, Nadya. And I see you brought your 14 children with you.

OCTOMOM: Yes I did. You notice they all have name tags on them so I can tell them apart. All babies look alike as you probably know. When I first saw the last eight on the ultrasound – they all looked the same. They had to have one of those big screen jobs so I could see all of them looking alike.

Can I introduce them to you?

DARTBOARD: Sure

OCTOMOM: Okay, first this is Eenie, then Meennie, Miny, and Moe, then there’s Sneezy, Sleepy, Dopey, Doc, Happy, Bashful, and Grumpy, and in the back is Curly, Larry, Moe and Ringo.

DARTBOARD: That’s 15. I thought you had 14.

OCTOMOM: I do. One of them is not mine. I’m babysitting one for a friend.

DARTBOARD: Which one?

OCTOMOM: To be honest – I don’t remember.

DARTBOARD: Nevermind.

OCTOMOM: I don’t.

DARTBOARD: Mind if I ask a question?

OCTOMOM: That is a question.

DARTBOARD: How do you manage to feed all these little ones?

OCTOMOM: Easy – I rent a cow.

DARTBOARD: Do you have any plans for yourself?

OCTOMOM: Well if don't get that job working at the circus – I might run for governor of Alaska.

DARTBOARD: Ms Suleman, thanks for coming in.





OCTOMOM: Don’t you want to see me breast feed?

DARTBOARD: No thanks. Good night.

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Hurry up and contact OCTOMOM!! Breaking News: The PERFECT BABYSITTER has arrived!

As you might have guessed, reading blogs is an addiction THE DARTBOARD has a serious problem shaking. Before going to blog rehab, we found this in the GOTHAMIST:



MOM SAYS PLASTIC SURGEON GAVE HER FOUR BREASTS


A Staten Island mother has filed a $5 million lawsuit against a plastic surgeon who she claims botched her breast implant surgery, leaving her with a disfigured chest that ruined her marriage.

According to her attorney, surgery that was supposed to give 47-year-old Maria Alaimo 36 C cups resulted in painful "double-bubble" deformities, meaning she "came out of that operation with essentially four breasts."

According to the Staten Island Advance, Alaimo is suing Dr. Keith Berman, his staff, as well as medical websites that referred her to him. The paper notes that Alaimo paid $2,999 and $500 referral fee for the procedure in 2003, but her breasts now "appear flattened on the bottom with severe swells the size of a softball on top."

In court documents, Alaimo claims those disfigurements caused "pain ... disability, loss of self-esteem, humiliation and embarrassment." She also alleges the surgery lead to her divorce, because she wouldn't allow her husband to see her nude after the procedure.

According to her attorney, the surgeon didn't make "crucial" markings on the patient's chest before the surgery, though the doctor indicated he did on medical documents.

After the surgery, Alaimo underwent two corrective procedures—the first with the original doctor—and she purportedly suffered more scarring and "implants that slid downward, making her breasts appear even further deformed."

The doctor's attorney, Jerry Giardina, said Alaimo should have been more aware of the risks of plastic surgery before she went under the knife. "Plastic surgery is trivialized, but the reality is that plastic surgery is just that—surgery. There are no guarantees. What one person responds to, another does not."

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OCTOMOM........meet..............OCTODAD

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OUT OF (birth) CONTROL

Going through our massive files, filing cabinets (6 drawers high) and endless archives and overflowing garbage bins, THE DARTBOARD found this lost chat between the DART and the now famous, then advice-seeking, OCTOMOM, before she gained that meaningful and descriptive title that made her, and TMZ, and Doctor Phil, famous.

She had some questions that hopefully THE DART could answer.

OCTOMOM: I'm two months pregnant with my first baby now. When will my baby move?
DART: With any luck, right after his/her/its 16th birthday or after he/she/it finishes college.

OCTOMOM: With your expertise, what is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
DART: Childbirth.

OCTOMOM: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
DART: Yes, another pregnancy.

OCTOMOM: Being two months pregnant, I'm at times very moody and sometimes borderline irrational.
DART: So what's your question? YOU STUPID DUMB BITCH!

OCTOMOM: Do I have to have a baby shower?
DART: Not if you change their diapers often.

OCTOMOM: Do you think it’s alright to have a baby after 25?
DART: No, 25 children is enough.

DART: Where are you going? Did your water break? Hey you, WAIT A MINUTE, SIT DOWN -- you owe me money for this consultation!!!

DART: OCTO-BITCH!

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where's the EGGO go?

DELIVERING YOU THE NEWS (even if you're not home)

ATLANTA (AP) Kellogg Co. says there will be a nationwide shortage of its popular Eggo frozen waffles until next summer because of interruptions in production at two of the four plants that make them.

The company's Atlanta plant was shut down for an undisclosed period by a September storm that dumped historic amounts of rain in the area. Meanwhile, several production lines at its largest bakery in Rossville, Tenn., are closed indefinitely for repairs, company spokeswoman Kris Charles said in an e-mail.

It will take until the middle of 2010 before shelves around the country are stocked at pre-shutdown levels,
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^^^^--- Hmmm, The DARTBOARD has its suspicions!

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