LADIES FIGHT BACK -- how to combat pick-up lines

Maybe you’ve heard them before or maybe even tried them? In any case -- a good defense is as, maybe better, than a good offence.

Try these answers to some familiar unasked for advances:

Man: Haven't we met before?
Woman: Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: So, wanna go back to my place ?
Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.



Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Woman: It's in the phone book.

Man: But I don't know your name.
Woman: That's in the phone book too.

Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: What sign were you born under?
Woman: No Parking.

Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not Enter

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized !

Man: Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason
Woman: Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

Man: I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.
Woman: You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?

Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?
Woman: Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

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NA NA NA NA NAAAAAAAAAAA where is he?

There hasn’t been a caped crusader escapade since he joked around with Heath Ledger. Maybe there’s a more sinister explanation? He’s hiding, From who? Here are some Dark Knight's villains you've never heard of.


Count Chocula

Elephant woman

Roto Rooter man

THE Crossing Guard

The Diddler

The Giggler

The Kindergarten Teacher

The Sissy

The Waitress

The Whistler

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NICE TIPS IN MALIBU

BE CAREFUL OF THOSE TANLINES BARBIE!

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THE BULLSEYE (asking Dart the real questions that really matter)

Dear DART,

I hope you don't mind the CAPS I use SO frequently. The REASON I do this is because I feel not ENOUGH attention is given to the SHIFT key. The poor key resting on BOTH the right AND left side of the keyboard ONLY gets called into DUTY when it comes to the beginning of names AND the beginning OF sentences. DO you know any WAY we could do someTHING about THIS injustice before THIS guy gives it up all TOGETHER?

jack HOFF

---------------


Well J.H., my advice is to ask someone who cares. Who do you think I am Kim Kommando?

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why to choose a GEEK lover

• A GEEK LOVER could fix your computer. Do you really need any more good excuses?
+ A GEEK LOVER would have friends who can fix your computer (if your GEEK couldn't).
+ You don’t own a computer? A GEEK LOVER could also hook up the Cable TV, satellite dish, program your VCR, connect the DVD player.
+ An EXTRA! A GEEK LOVER would have friends who could could also hook up the the Cable TV, satellite dish, program your VCR, connect the DVD player.(if your geek is busy).
+ Not only that, A GEEK LOVER can also fix your other electronic gizmos, And A GEEK LOVER can do the same for your friends’ stuff.
+ You will learn the joys of cooking with feta cheese. Drinking Ouzo! OOPA! As well as getting stuffed with the variety of all the different meats that can be cooked on a stick. WAIT! STOP! (Sorry, this reason was meant for hooking up with a GREEK, not GEEK. (NEVERMIND!)
+ You’ll never miss a Star Trek TV show, Star Trek movie or Star Trek Convention – at least more than once.
+ Not into computers, TVs and DVDs? What about the other hi-tech gadgets you don’t own and want? Cellphones, computers, digital cameras, camcorders, and MP3 players will all be under the Christmas tree as with your next birthday with your name on it.

And just think how popular you will be and how much your friends will like you!
Your phone won’t stop ringing from all these needy and cheap friends wanting you and your GEEK to come over.


So now you know what’s in it for you.
Hurry, hurry, hurry, there must be a Best Buy close to you. A perfect site to check out some GEEKY prospects.

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GUESS THIS IS WHY (S)HE GETS THOSE HOT CHICKS

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