Wednesday, November 18, 2009
THE BULLS EYE (asking Dart the real questions that REALLY matter)
Hey Dart,
How is that every time I read your page I see spots in front of my eyes. I had a dog (a dalmatian named Barf) and the same thing happened, so I traded him for food and cigarettes. Not being a smoker, I am very confused as what to do next.
Anna Rexic
------
Anna, Anna, Anna, first things first, learn to start smoking immediately and heavily. This is easy and will benefit you greatly by decreasing your remaining years on this planet most people call Earth. And then PRESTO -- no more seeing spots.
How is that every time I read your page I see spots in front of my eyes. I had a dog (a dalmatian named Barf) and the same thing happened, so I traded him for food and cigarettes. Not being a smoker, I am very confused as what to do next.
Anna Rexic
------
Anna, Anna, Anna, first things first, learn to start smoking immediately and heavily. This is easy and will benefit you greatly by decreasing your remaining years on this planet most people call Earth. And then PRESTO -- no more seeing spots.
Heavenly Toast
JUST IN TIME for the holidays -- your chance
to wake up with the original Madonna. You will gladly jump out of bed early to her on your holy-days and every day after that. Your prayers will be finally be answered and it will only cost you around five bucks* -- that's less what you drop in two weeks in your church collection plate.
A great investment.
Just think of the $$$ you can charge lost souls and pilgrims to see and touch your breakfast creations. God may work in wondrous ways but now it's your turn to break bread and work it.
AMEN!
* bread and toaster not included
WARNING: burnt toast can mean you're toast!!
+ + +
GET YOUR "Holy Toast Bread Stamper" from
www.TwistedGrins.com
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
NOT JUST ELTON JOHN & QUEEN LIZZIE -- GET READY FOR THIS!
MEET the first gay comic book crime-fighting team.
Reported in England's Sun (the rag famous for the page3 girls) a new magazine called SPANDEX has gone on sale, featuring this gang of homosexual heroes.
Led by glamorous transvestite Liberty and include deadly lesbian Diva, French teleporter Indigo, human light Glitter and rock hard twins Mr Muscles & Butch.
Perhaps the most intriguing character is Prowler.
The makers of the comic say: "Prowler has the power to absorb the skills and abilities of any gay person.
"So that could mean taking the powers of a team-mate or enemy or just learning how to throw a fab dinner party!"
The team will do battle against villains with names including Muscle Mary, Pussy and the Pink Ninjas.
The first series sees the Spandex crime fighters defend their hometown from the 'Attack of the 50-Foot Lesbian'.
Creator Martin Eden says: "Gay people in comics are fairly under-represented, but this new comic aims to address that.
"Spandex introduces a whole bunch of fabulous new characters who are set to take the comic world by storm.
"It's a fun, experimental comic, full of drama, comedy, romance and action... all done in the best possible taste!
******
BIFF! bam! BANG!! I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR THEIR CONVENTIONS, and the tv series, and the movie.
Reported in England's Sun (the rag famous for the page3 girls) a new magazine called SPANDEX has gone on sale, featuring this gang of homosexual heroes.
Led by glamorous transvestite Liberty and include deadly lesbian Diva, French teleporter Indigo, human light Glitter and rock hard twins Mr Muscles & Butch.
Perhaps the most intriguing character is Prowler.
The makers of the comic say: "Prowler has the power to absorb the skills and abilities of any gay person.
"So that could mean taking the powers of a team-mate or enemy or just learning how to throw a fab dinner party!"
The team will do battle against villains with names including Muscle Mary, Pussy and the Pink Ninjas.
The first series sees the Spandex crime fighters defend their hometown from the 'Attack of the 50-Foot Lesbian'.
Creator Martin Eden says: "Gay people in comics are fairly under-represented, but this new comic aims to address that.
"Spandex introduces a whole bunch of fabulous new characters who are set to take the comic world by storm.
"It's a fun, experimental comic, full of drama, comedy, romance and action... all done in the best possible taste!
******
BIFF! bam! BANG!! I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR THEIR CONVENTIONS, and the tv series, and the movie.
Monday, November 16, 2009
LUST IN SPACE -- NO WAY
Is getting a piece of ass-tronaut an out-of-this- world possibility? A case of science friction?
Elton John once sang:
“Rocket Man,
oo oooo”.
The same words may soon be spoken by a rocket woman -- when sex finally happens in outer space.
As David Bowie’s Space Oddity warbled:
“Though I’m past one hundred thousand miles
I’m feeling very still
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go
Tell my wife I love her very much, she knows”
Are we listening to a pre-extra marital affair justification?
One would have to be a little naive if we would think that sex in space would never happen.
An urban legend tells us NASA already conducted sex experiments on a space shuttle mission in 1996.
Remember Moonraker? James "007" Bond (played by Roger Moore) got it “on” with Holly Goodhead (Lois Chiles) in the cargo bay of a space shuttle.
Space shuttle flights do provide lots of time and opportunity to do the “deed”. So why not?
Here’s some reasons why it would/should never happen:
* Could be used against you (lawsuit) -- a form of sex in the workplace.
* Good chance you might push the wrong button.
* Heavy breathing depletes your oxygen supply quickly.
* If you like sleeping around – partners are limited. Most crews are all male - can be a good or a bad thing -- depending on your orientation.
* NASA has cameras are everywhere.
* Smoking afterwards is not possible.
* Some countries you are flying over have some sexual positions that are illegal.
* Space suits and helmets are not very sexy.
* Stalled countdowns and misfires are embarrassing.
* Weightlessness would make it difficult for either partner to stay on top.
* When says “take-off” or “re-entry” – easily could be misinterpreted.
And the number one reason that SPACE SEX will never happen is
TWO WORDS: motion sickness.
Elton John once sang:
“Rocket Man,
oo oooo”.
The same words may soon be spoken by a rocket woman -- when sex finally happens in outer space.
As David Bowie’s Space Oddity warbled:
“Though I’m past one hundred thousand miles
I’m feeling very still
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go
Tell my wife I love her very much, she knows”
Are we listening to a pre-extra marital affair justification?
One would have to be a little naive if we would think that sex in space would never happen.
An urban legend tells us NASA already conducted sex experiments on a space shuttle mission in 1996.
Remember Moonraker? James "007" Bond (played by Roger Moore) got it “on” with Holly Goodhead (Lois Chiles) in the cargo bay of a space shuttle.
Space shuttle flights do provide lots of time and opportunity to do the “deed”. So why not?
Here’s some reasons why it would/should never happen:
* Could be used against you (lawsuit) -- a form of sex in the workplace.
* Good chance you might push the wrong button.
* Heavy breathing depletes your oxygen supply quickly.
* If you like sleeping around – partners are limited. Most crews are all male - can be a good or a bad thing -- depending on your orientation.
* NASA has cameras are everywhere.
* Smoking afterwards is not possible.
* Some countries you are flying over have some sexual positions that are illegal.
* Space suits and helmets are not very sexy.
* Stalled countdowns and misfires are embarrassing.
* Weightlessness would make it difficult for either partner to stay on top.
* When says “take-off” or “re-entry” – easily could be misinterpreted.
And the number one reason that SPACE SEX will never happen is
TWO WORDS: motion sickness.
THE BULLS EYE (asking Dart the real questions that REALLY matter)
Dear Dart,
I'll get right to the point (lol) >>MY husband is a dreadful hypochondriac. The slightest sniffle is swine flu, a cough is a terminal lung disease and a hangover is never a hangover, always "something I ate".
How can I get him to pull himself together? One day he might really be ill, and I'm worried I'll just ignore him as usual.
IMA CHIT
-----------------------------
Ima, Ima, Ima, perhaps your problem is really in the bedroom? Oral sex does not mean just talking about it! There are better ways to get your mouth dirty.
If this doesn't fix the problem, shop for a new partner on Craig's List.
DART
* * *
I'll get right to the point (lol) >>MY husband is a dreadful hypochondriac. The slightest sniffle is swine flu, a cough is a terminal lung disease and a hangover is never a hangover, always "something I ate".
How can I get him to pull himself together? One day he might really be ill, and I'm worried I'll just ignore him as usual.
IMA CHIT
-----------------------------
Ima, Ima, Ima, perhaps your problem is really in the bedroom? Oral sex does not mean just talking about it! There are better ways to get your mouth dirty.
If this doesn't fix the problem, shop for a new partner on Craig's List.
DART
* * *
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